Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
From the circle of Marcellus Coffermans
16th Century Flemish
Private Collection

Not only does this painting resemble a scenario in a Woody Allen movie, but Woody himself is apparently posing for Squishy.

Madonna and Child with Saint John the Baptist

Madonna and Child with Saint John the Baptist
By Andrea del Sarto
Date Unknown
Oil on panel, 19.88 × 16.34 in
Fundação Eva Klabin, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

And this, my son, is how you make the jazz hands.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Franciabigio
1510-13
Pinoteca National, Bologna, Italy

Lay off the pork rinds, Mr. Chubby Butt.

Nativity Scene

Nativity Scene
By an unknown Greco-Byzantine artist
c. 1150
Mosaic
Capella Patina, Palermo, Italy

You can see Squishy in the manger (center) with his awesome braided outfit with a hood. And then again (lower right) getting a bath, sans clothes, looking distinctly un-baby like.

The ox and ass are totally digging the scene.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Fragment of a fresco by Pietro Cavallini
the church of Santa Maria in Aracoeli, Rome

An emaciated Saint John the Baptist peeks in on the theft, aghast to see his friend Squishy J. balding with a pot belly. Sigh! Middle age: it happens to the best of us.

Madonna and Child with John the Baptist

Madonna and Child with John the Baptist
By Jacopo Pontormo
1523-1525
Oil on wood, 87 × 67 cm
Galleria Corsini German: Florence

So Squishy, what everyone wants to know is, how'd you get that nifty and conveniently located curl in your swaddling clothes?

Also, nice legs!

Madonna of Humility with Two Musician Angels

Madonna of Humility with Two Musician Angels
By Zanobi Strozzi
1448-50
Panel, 84 x 57 cm
Museo Poldi Pezzoli, Milan

Holy Chub! Mary wishes she had breast fed Jesus after belately discovering the effects of Bovine Grown Hormone in bottle milk.

Madonna delle Grazie

Madonna delle Grazie
Diocesan Museum of Aversa, Italy

Man! Someone needs to market a robe like this--I mean how many nursing mothers could use a robe with two perfect boob openings?!

Madonna del Voto

Madonna del Voto
By an unknown Italian master
after 1261
Tempera on panel
Museo dell' Opera del Duomo, Siena

In the beginning we were poor and there was no room for us at the inn. But now....SUPER FANCY! Bling Baby Squishy, Bling Bling!

The Madonna Enthroned

The Madonna Enthroned
By A Catalan Romanesque Painter
c. 1123
Fresco
Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya, Barcelona

Can you handle it? Donald Trump totally cops Squishy's style!

The Virgin Dressed as a Gypsy with Child

The Virgin Dressed as a Gypsy with Child
By Luis de Morales
1567
Mixed media on wood, 57 x 41 cm.
Collection Count Adanero, Madrid

The fact that her son is missing the lower half of his right leg does not stop Mary from wearing a righteously funky hat.

Extra points for mommy / son matching red hair styles!

Madonna and Child with St Joseph

Madonna and Child with St Joseph
By Bartolomeo Montagna
1500-10
Oil on canvas
Museo Correr, Venice

Dear Bartolomeo Montagna,

I have a question about the composition of this painting: why does Joseph has his head all low in the corner like that? Is he sniffing Squishy's belly?

Thanks in advance for your reply,

M.A.

Altarpiece of the Virgin

Altarpiece of the Virgin
By Jacques Daret
1433-35
Oil on wood, 57,5 x 52 cm
Musée du Petit Palais, Paris

So, uh, errr...what exactly are you going to do with that knife?