Infant Christ Asleep

Infant Christ Asleep

By Bartolomé Estéban Murillo

17th century

Oil on canvas, 24.76" x 32.64"

 

The "ate too much pumpkin pie" post-Thanksgiving Squishy.

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By Neri di Bicci

EARTHWORM ARMS!!!!

The Adoration of the Shepherds

The Adoration of the Shepherds (detail)
By Jacob Jordaens
1615 - 1616
Oil on canvas, 147 x 168 cm
Collection of the National Gallery, Athens, Greece

POTATO CHEEKS!

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine
From the school of Lorenzo di Credi
First half of 16th century
Oil on panel, 60 cm in diameter
Musee des Beaux-Arts des Nimes, Nimes, France

Marriage equality: it applies to obese infant saviors too.

Holy Family with Elizabeth and Child John the Baptist

Holy Family with Elizabeth and Child John the Baptist
By Jacob Jordaens
1615

CAT (lower right): All right--while everyone's all distracted by the obese toddlers making out, I can steal this bird cage!

The Adoration of the Child

The Adoration of the Child
By Cosimo Rosselli
circa 1490 - circa 1500
Oil on panel, 45.1 diameter
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam, Netherlands

St. John & Squishy: okay kids, it's cute when babies are chubby, but when you're such a lard arse you need your own designated angel just to hold you upright, you know you'd better cut back on the Cheetos.

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine
By the school of Lorenzo di Credi
First half of 16th century
Oil on panel, 60 cm diameter
Musee des Beaux Arts, Nimes, France

Whoa, Squishy, lay off the Thanksgiving leftovers--you're ginormous!

 

The Holy Family with St. Elizabeth, the Infant St. John the Baptist and an Angel

The Holy Family with St. Elizabeth, the Infant St. John the Baptist and an Angel
By Studio of Peter Paul Rubens

So, is there a giant pile of cottage cheese in the middle of this painting, or what?

Infant Christ and St. John the Baptist

Infant Christ and St. John the Baptist
By Antonis van Dyck

ST. JOHN: Did you hear the great news!  Illinois is going to legalize gay marriage!  About time!!

SQUISHY:  YAY!  Who's got a kiss for an obese savior with a red cape?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Simon Vouet

Christ child or flotation device?

Jesus, St. John and Putti

Jesus, St. John and Putti
By Wenceslas Hollar
13 x 21 cm
Thomas Fisher Rare Books Library, Toronto, Canada

You can suck it, DOMA!

Virgin and Child with St Elizabeth and the Infant Baptist

Virgin and Child with St Elizabeth and the Infant Baptist
By Jacopino del Conte
1550
Oil on panel, 39.4 x 30" The Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge, UK

SQUISHY:  Hey John, wake up--time for our Weight Watchers meeting.

Adoration of the Child

Adoration of the Child
By Cosimo Rosselli
Third quarter of 15^th century
Oil on wood,  40.6 × 22"
National Museum of Wroclaw, Wroclaw, Poland

Our Lady of the Subliminal Vagina Dress adoring the Chunky But Funky Child.  How sweet.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
From the circle of Jean Massys
16th century
Oil on panel, 63 x 58,5 cm
National Museum of San Carlos, Mexico City 

OMG, the kid wears a bigger cup size than me!

The Madonna and Child

The Madonna and Child
By Pellegrino di Mariano
1460-70

That's probably a peace sign Squishy is making, but it looks more like air quotes...and, is he doing wall squats?  Most likely to reduce his thighs, which are suspiciously similar to hanging pig legs I saw all over Spain.  Jamon anyone?

Presentation of Jesus in the Temple

Presentation of Jesus in the Temple
By the Master of the Trebon Altarpiece
1390
Tempera and gold on panel, 48.4 × 36.6"
National Museum in Warsaw, Warsaw, Poland

SMH: only 40 days old an already Jesus has a beer gut!?!!??!

Nativity

Nativity
By Parmigianino
1521-1522
Oil on canvas, 43.1 × 47.3 cm
Courtauld Gallery., London UK

I don't remember reading in the nativity story that the ox and ass actually lick Jesus and the attending angel.

Also, whoa Squishy Jesus Thunderthighs!

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine
By Antonis van Dyck
1630
The British Royal Collection, London, UK

The diet of young saviors these days, so full of trans-fats, high fructose corn syrup and bovine growth hormone, clearly are producing extreme cases of Early Savior Obesity.

Virgin of the Milk

Virgin of the Milk

Baby's got back.

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
Museo Correr, Venice


Call the police!  There's a naked 50 year old man squeezing a bird to death in the Museo Correr in Venice.  HELP!