The Holy Family

The Holy Family
By Gerard Seghers
17th Century

Textbook case of male pattern baldness.

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By Neri di Bicci

EARTHWORM ARMS!!!!

Virgin and Child between Saints Victor and Octavian

Virgin and Child between Saints Victor and Octavian
By Priamo della Quercia
1450's
Pinacoteca, Volterra, Italy

So, what do you do when your baby has a backward's head and male pattern baldness?  Give the kid a mini castle and a feather!

Madonna of Humility

Madonna of Humility
By Giovanni da Francia
1429 - 1439
Tempera on panel, 20.9 × 16.5"
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam, Netherlands

Squishy and Mary are whispering secrets.  I wish I could eavesdrop and hear the secret to how to drape cloth so fabulously....

Theotokos of Tolga

Theotokos of Tolga
Detail of an icon
End of 13th century

Squishy stretch neck 4evah.

Our Lady of Kazan

Our Lady of Kazan

1700's

"My first name ain't Mary, it's Janet--Miss Jackson if you're nasty."

Madonna d'Orleans

Madonna d'Orleans
By Raphael Sanzio
After 1507
12.2 x 9.06"
Musee Conde, Chantilly, France

SQUISHY: Bitch please, I don't do the bottle.  I want some old school tittie milk and I want it now.

Madonna and Child with Sts Jerome and Anthony of Padua

Madonna and Child with Sts Jerome and Anthony of Padua
By Pietro di Domenico
Pinacoteca Nazionale, Siena, Italy








ST. JEROME: Wait, before you say it, Duck  Dynasty copied me, not the other way around.

SQUISHY: I stole my mom's flesh colored body suit--think she'll notice?

ST. ANTHONY:  See this pink thing I'm holding?  Well it's my tongue.  Hope you suckas didn't just finish your lunch, heh heh heh.

Virgin of Vladimir

Virgin of Vladimir

Detail of an icon

Dear John Kerry,

If you're ever short on Halloween costume ideas, I have a suggestion.

Warm regards

Theotokos of Hudahaj

Theotokos of Hudahaj
1700's

Too sweet: matching mother and son soul patches!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Cimabue

SQUISHY: I told you, mother, I wanted a Sophie the Giraffe chew toy. Get me one now.

Virgin and Child with Angels

Virgin and Child with Angels
by Simone Martini (in 1310) and Cenni di Francesco (in 1413)
Fresco
Church of San Lorenzo al Ponte and San Gimignano, San Gimignano, Italy

Well I don't know about you but this Christmas I'm decorating with a wreath of musical angels.

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels (Detail)
by Meliore di Jacopo
c. 1260-80
Museo di Arte Sacra, Certaldo, Italy

Forehead?  That's more like a fivehead.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Bernadino Fungai
Pinacoteca Nazionale di Siena, Siena, Italy

Um, Mary...shouldn't you be concerned about the golf tees sticking out of your son's head?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Maesto di San Jacopo a Mucciana
1410-20
Musei Civici, Pesaro, Italy

LOST: right breast of virgin mother.  Last seen inside red gown.  Please return immediately if found.  Eternal reward.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Francesco Botticini
1475-80
64.60 x 45 cm
Cleveland Museum of Art, Cleveland, USA

He's the son of God....and the kid can whistle!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Bartolomeo Vivarini
1480-85
Oil and gold leaf on wood panel
The Ronald S. Lauder Collection, New York

Okay kid, I need the number of your pilates studio, stat.  If my abs looks like that I'd stand around naked too.

Adoration of the Shepherds

Adoration of the Shepherds
Detail of an illuminated manuscript in the British Library

Um, hey guys, just want to point out that baby Jesus is on the roof, not generally considered a safe spot for an infant. 

I can neither conform nor deny that Mary is wearing footed pajamas.

Mary as the Throne of Solomon

Mary as the Throne of Solomon

15th century

Gemäldegalerie, Berlin, Germany

SQUISHY:  What giant eyes and creepy long fingers you have, Mommy!

LIONS:  Grrrrrrrr! 

Presentation in the Temple

Presentation in the Temple

After 1235

Detail of the Feriatum Psalter

Wurttemberg State Library, Stuttgart, Germany

Oh.  My.  God.  SQUISHY HAS A COMBOVER!