Blessing Christ

Blessing Christ
1486
Illuminated page from the Waldburg-prayer book

I'm thinking that back in 1486, when the owner of the Waldburg-prayer book got to this page, he or she broke out into uncontrollable giggles and got kicked out of church.

Blessing Child

Blessing Child
Detail of a fresco in apse of the Church of St. Lorenzo, Casteldilago, Italy

A rare shot from the really early days of the Mickey Mouse Club.

The Infant Christ on the Orb of the World

The Infant Christ on the Orb of the World
By Joos van Cleve
1530
14.6 × 10.2"
Thyssen-Bornemisza Museum, Madrid, Spain

So yeah people, I can hold a contrapposto stance while balancing on a glass bowl because I'm not just the baby Jesus, I'm the mother-flippen savior of art history.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
Ivory
Museum Treasure of Aachen, Aachen, Germany

You know, I think I there's a bit of family resemblance going on here....

Our Lady Protectress

Our Lady Protectress
Second half of 13th century
Collection of S. Ryabushinsky

 The "Recovering from a Cold" Virgin and Child.
 

Madonna, Child and Infant Baptist

Madonna, Child and Infant Baptist
By Fra Bartolommeo
1497
Oil and gold on wood, 58.4 x 43.8 cm
Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

Infant Christ of the Constipation Face.

Holy Mary Siponto

Holy Mary Siponto
Egg tempera on panel, 129 x 81 cm
Cathedral of Manfredonia, Manfredonia, Italy

Sorry to be so blunt, Mary, but the whole drag thing just isn't working out for you.  And, gotta say, nobody believes that's a real baby on your lap.  

On the other hand, you guys are totally killing the sideways silver mohawk!
 

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels (Detail)
by Meliore di Jacopo
c. 1260-80
Museo di Arte Sacra, Certaldo, Italy

Forehead?  That's more like a fivehead.

The Presentation at the Temple

The Presentation at the Temple
1499
Detail from The Gospel of Khizan

Nooooo, do not even think about handing your kid over to a dude with lobster hands!

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi

12th century, third quarter  

English Psalter on parchment

Exhibit A on how medieval art never fails to entertain.  Do you dig the three surprised Kings?  Did you notice the subliminal boobs formed by the pink towers on top?

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By George Nicholson
1930
Print on papyrus, 162 x 126 millimeters
British Museum, London, UK

You werq it Squishy!

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi

c. 1200

Illumination on parchment

Surly Squishy Jesus and Cross-eyed Trans-Mom Mary making this a Freaky Friday.

Salvator Mundi

Salvator Mundi
Bernard Lens II
1680-1725
Mezzotint, 215 x 160 millimeters
The British Museum, London, UK

Boom chicka wow wow!

St. Christopher

St. Christopher
After 1235
Illumination from the Psaltersium Feriatum Cod.Württembergische Landesbibliothek, Stuttgart, Germany

St. Christopher and his sexy legs are stepping on some bizarre sea monsters.

The Madonna and Child

The Madonna and Child
By Pellegrino di Mariano
1460-70

That's probably a peace sign Squishy is making, but it looks more like air quotes...and, is he doing wall squats?  Most likely to reduce his thighs, which are suspiciously similar to hanging pig legs I saw all over Spain.  Jamon anyone?

Virgin and Child on the Throne

Virgin and Child on the Throne
By Neri di Bicci
1400's
Tempera and gold leaf on wood, 421.26 x 217.72" 
Museu Nacional d'art de Catalunya, Bercelona, Spain

Oh my gawd Mary: that's an unflattering top!

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By a follower of Benozzo Gozzoli
1450 - 1500
 Honolulu Academy of Arts

Man, is that ever a baby Jesus shit-eating grin.

Mary Hodegetria

Mary Hodegetria
1500's
Historical Museum, Sanok, Poland











Our Lady of the Understache, and her son, Christ Child of the Three Adam's Apples.

Seuse Kneeling Before Mary and Jesus

Seuse Kneeling Before Mary and Jesus
1490
Illustration from an illuminated manuscript, Einsiedeln, Stiftsbibliothek, folio 42, with writings by Heinrich Seuse

Mary's hiding all her nick-knacks inside her throne while a floating Squishy makes a peace sign.  He's got a watering can in his left hand so he can water Friar Seuse's flower halo.

The Infant Jesus of the Blessing Hands

The Infant Jesus of the Blessing Hands
By Pinturicchio
1492-93
Detail of a fresco
Perugia, Italy

Looking hawt, Mr. Squishy J. Huge Forehead!