Holy Family

Holy Family
By Pieter Coecke van Aelst

SQUISHY: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Miss Thing needs her an upside down pear!

Holy Family with Elizabeth and Child John the Baptist

Holy Family with Elizabeth and Child John the Baptist
By Jacob Jordaens
1615

CAT (lower right): All right--while everyone's all distracted by the obese toddlers making out, I can steal this bird cage!

Madonna with the Child and St. Francis

Madonna with the Child and St. Francis
By Francesco Francia
1510
Oil on panel, 27.5 x 21.5 cm

ST. FRANCIS: Heyyyy Skippy Jesus!

Madonna d'Orleans

Madonna d'Orleans
By Raphael Sanzio
After 1507
12.2 x 9.06"
Musee Conde, Chantilly, France

SQUISHY: Bitch please, I don't do the bottle.  I want some old school tittie milk and I want it now.

Our Lady of Dzikovia

Our Lady of Dzikovia
By an unknown Dutch artist

I can't tell if Joseph is wearing a tiny top hat, or if that's just an awkwardly rendered halo.  At any rate, Squishy is looking fab.  Werq it girl!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Master of the Castello Nativity
Between 1448 and 1450
Oil on panel, 26.6 x 18.5"
Lower Saxony State Museum, Hannover, Germany

SQUISHY: All of you people out there laughing at the size of my equipment are going straight to H-E-double hockey stick!

Virgin and Child with Saint John

Virgin and Child with Saint John
By Jean-Léon Gérôme

New Mexico just became the 17th state to legalize gay marriage.  Every naked savior kiss your favorite camel-skin wearing bestie in celebration!!!

Infant Christ and St. John the Baptist

Infant Christ and St. John the Baptist
By Antonis van Dyck

ST. JOHN: Did you hear the great news!  Illinois is going to legalize gay marriage!  About time!!

SQUISHY:  YAY!  Who's got a kiss for an obese savior with a red cape?

Holy Family

Holy Family
By William-Adolphe Bouguereau
1863

Extra points to those of you who spotted the phallic (flaccid) object in Mary's basket.

Holy Family

Holy Family
From the Winderhalder Workshop
First half of the 19th century
Painting on glass, 38 x 30.5 cm
Rötenbach, Germany

I never thought I'd take makeup advice from the Holy Family, but Jesus, Mary and Joseph--what is that lipstick you're wearing?                                                    

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By George Nicholson
1930
Print on papyrus, 162 x 126 millimeters
British Museum, London, UK

You werq it Squishy!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Maestro dagli Occhi Ammiccanti
1460

Now remember Squishy, the secret to blush is to blend, blend, blend.

Dubious makeup application aside, this is a delightful painting.  Mary and Squishy are sharing a head scarf!  Squishy is pulling mom's finger!  Mary has crow's feet!

Madonna and Christ Child

Madonna and Christ Child
By Franciabigio
Early 1520s
Oil on panel, 33.5 × 26.5"
Birmingham Museum of Art, Birmingham, USA

OOOOH GURRRL I've got to get me some pants!

Holy Family

Holy Family
By Parmigianino
Before 1540
120 x 120 cm
National Museum of San Carlos. Mexico City, Mexico

Happy Pride Day, y'all!

Jesus, St. John and Putti

Jesus, St. John and Putti
By Wenceslas Hollar
13 x 21 cm
Thomas Fisher Rare Books Library, Toronto, Canada

You can suck it, DOMA!

Virgin and the Child

Virgin and the Child
By Andrea del Sarto
1515-20
Oil and tempera on pine wood, 33.7 × 24"
National Gallery of Canada, Ottawa, Canada

 SQUISHY: Y'all pray, mmmkay?

Virgin Mary of the Sign

Virgin Mary of the Sign
15th Century
Mezquita Mosque/Cathedral, Cordoba, Spain

Unborn and fabulous!

Madonna and Child with Saints Jerome and Francis

Madonna and Child with Saints Jerome and Francis
By Francesco Raibolini
1500
Oil on panel, transferred to canvas, re-transferred to panel
24-3/4 x 18-5/8"
The Norton Simon Foundation, Pasadena, CA

ST. JEROME AND MARY:  We're staring into the middle distance like a couple of zombies: weird, right?

ST. FRANCIS:  Squishy, I'm having a nice long look at your package and that is not circumcised.  I don't believe you're really Jewish.

SQUISHY: Bitch please, I'm practically inventing the contrapposto stance right here.  I'm changing the course of art history as we know it and I can do that with or without a foreskin.

Madonna and Child with the Young St. John the Baptist

Madonna and Child with the Young St. John the Baptist
By Ridolfo Ghirlandaio
1503-57
Oil on panel, 30.7 x 25.9"
Walters Art Museum, Baltimore, MA

SQUISHY: Yesterday people in the USA re-elected Barack Obama to a second term, voted to approve same-sex marriage in Maryland and Maine, and elected the first openly gay senator. 

ST. JOHN:  Someone pinch me!  Just like my golden curls, this seems just too good to be real!

Holy Family with St. John

Holy Family with St. John
By Maso da San Friano

ST. JOHN: The federal appeals court just ruled against the Defense of Marriage Act! 

SQUISHY: Buh bye, lame, discriminating DOMA.  Don't let the constitution hit you on the ass on your way out!!!!