Our Lady of Vladimir

Our Lady of Vladimir
1680's
Tempera, silver, sapphire, ruby, turquoise, pearls on wood.  Engraving and black and gold plating on glass.
33.9 x 28.5 x 2.5 cm
Novodevichy Convent, Moscow, Russia

Gramma Annie knitted a little cardigan for Squishy and a matching headscarf for Mary--too cute!

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
Painting on glass

And so it came to pass that Jesus and Joseph put their hair in hot rollers and Joseph donned his red rain boots and God sent a holy chicken on high to show that this was good.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By an unknown Russian artist
Late 17th - early 18th century
Tempera, silver and cloth on wood
32 х 2.5 х 4.3 cm
The Novodevichy Convent, Moscow, Russia

Leave it to the ever-chic Virgin Mary to wear a bottle opener as a bonnet.

Infant Jesus

Infant Jesus
17th century
Detail of a pendant from Poland









Cutest. Pajamas. Ever.

Our Lady of Kazan

Our Lady of Kazan
16th-17th century
Yaroslavl Museum, Yaroslavl, Russia

It's Pride Parade weekend here in Chicago and Mary and Squishy are killing it with the best headdress ever.  You go girls!  Happy Pride!!!

Our Lady of the Expectation Appearing to Simon de Roja

Our Lady of the Expectation Appearing to Simon de Roja
By Francisco Rizi
c. 1654
Pen and brown ink, brown and gray wash on paper, 196 x 125 mm
 British Museum, London, UK

If in doubt, accessorize with an embryo.
 

Virgin Mary and Child

 

Virgin Mary and Child
Cathedral of Pamplona, Pamplona, Spain

People act like Lady Gaga is such a fashion innovator---but she's not all that: Virgin Mary was so much weirder back in the day.  She'd wrap her head in a metal doily just to burp the baby......

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By an unknown artist from Belarus
Painting on wood
1644

Whoa--Squishy is wearing the first ever documented pair of Birkenstocks.  In Belarus!  In 1644!

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
By an unknown Serbian painter
Archeological Museum, Agrigento, Italy

Nobody rocks an Afro-centric vibe and a natural like S.J.

Our Lady of Dzikovia

Our Lady of Dzikovia
By an unknown Dutch artist

I can't tell if Joseph is wearing a tiny top hat, or if that's just an awkwardly rendered halo.  At any rate, Squishy is looking fab.  Werq it girl!

Virgin and Child with St. John

Virgin and Child with St. John
By an unknown artist from Belarus
1500's


ST. JOHN: Hmmm....should I keep the hairstyle?

MARY:  I'm soooooo stoned.

SQUISHY: Ah, this silver-plated swaddling is surprisingly comfortable!

Tobed Madonna

Tobed Madonna
By Jaime Serra
c. 1359 — 1362
Tempera on panel, 63.5 x 46.4"
Prado Museum, Madrid, Spain

Let's go straight to the obvious weirdness first: Mary is breast feeding her son from a boob in the center of her chest.  But a closer view delivers even more weird: are those little griffen wearing armor at Mary's feet?  And, somebody alert American Apparel, because they're going to want to copy that vagina print on Mary's cloak.

Holy Mary Siponto

Holy Mary Siponto
Egg tempera on panel, 129 x 81 cm
Cathedral of Manfredonia, Manfredonia, Italy

Sorry to be so blunt, Mary, but the whole drag thing just isn't working out for you.  And, gotta say, nobody believes that's a real baby on your lap.  

On the other hand, you guys are totally killing the sideways silver mohawk!
 

Madonna of Rescue

Madonna of Rescue















A bit of advice for you, Mary and Squishy: stop accessorizing from Claire's Boutique.  That's strictly for tweens.

Our Lady with the Child Jesus

Our Lady with the Child Jesus
By Giusto de ' Menabuoi
Diocesan Museum, Padua, Italy

Help Squishy decide: should he go as a mummy or the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween?

Nativity

Nativity

After 1235

Detail from Psalterium Feriatum

Daddy Joe, your mini-sombrero nipple hat is a fashion do!

Adoration of the Shepherds

Adoration of the Shepherds

1609

Detail of an illuminated Armenian Gospel

If ever you find yourself accessorizing with a pink sheep, my friends, you are a fashion do!

St. Christopher

St. Christopher
c. 1430-40
Detail of a Book of Hours, use of Paris

While it's unclear whether St. Christopher is carrying Squishy across water or blue shag carpeting, he certainly is fabulously dressed!

Virgin of the Forsaken

Virgin of the Forsaken
By Tomás Yepes
1644
Monasterio de las Descalzas Reales, Madrid, Spain

Is it not enough that Mary had a virgin birth?  Does she have to turn her body into a jewelry case to prove how fabulous she really is?

St. Christopher

St. Christopher
Detail of a fresco in Parish Church St. Vinzenz, Heiligenblut, Austria

Cape that turns your head into the yoke of an egg?  Fashion win!