Virgin Mary of the Sign

Virgin Mary of the Sign
15th Century
Mezquita Mosque/Cathedral, Cordoba, Spain

Unborn and fabulous!

Nativity

Nativity
Armenian School
Detail of an illuminated gospel

Our lady of the yam body.

Rest on the Flight into Egypt

Rest on the Flight into Egypt
By Absolon Stumme
Detail of the Hamburg Altar

This donkey looks like a giant inflatable--something that should be floating down the street in a Thanksgiving day parade.

What is Joseph picking from the tree (with the help of two angels) and putting in his hat?

The Visitation

The Visitation

1460

Kremsmünster, Austria

Squishy and St. John meet up in the womb, already practicing their yoga moves.  Namaste!

Birth of Jesus

Birth of Jesus

About 1500

Fresco in the Church of the Archangel, Galata, Cyprus

Oh this painting is a fun house!  THERE IS A SHEPHERD DRESSED IN A COCOON!  There is a long skinny Jesus wrapped up like a tampon!  And blink-or-you'll-miss-it tiny ox and ass at the place where Jesus' feet would be if he weren't wrapped up like a tampon!

 

St. Christopher

St. Christopher
Fresco in  Pfarrkirche Hl Florian, Austria

Poor St. Christopher and his thyroid problem.  At least he gets a palm tree as a walking stick...

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
Icon in Lazarus Church, Larnaca on Cyprus

Today: icon in a Cyprus church, tomorrow: icon of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
From the circle of Jean Massys
16th century
Oil on panel, 63 x 58,5 cm
National Museum of San Carlos, Mexico City 

OMG, the kid wears a bigger cup size than me!

Nativity

Nativity

By  Geburt Christi 

Detail of a fresco over a door, Aosta Cathedral, Aosta, Italy

The ox and the ass are chuffed at seeing Squishy in his snake bed/manger.  And don't miss it: THE OX IS WEARING MASCARA!

Adoration of the Magi

 

Adoration of the Mag

10th century

Detail of an illumination from Codex Egberti

Um, well that so not a baby on Mary's lap.  And why are there giant red boobie things on either side of the throne?

Madonna and Child Holding a Pear

Madonna and Child
By Bernard van Orley
Early 1500's
National Museum, Warsaw, Poland

Yeah, so Squishy looks a bit smug.  Wouldn't you look smug too if you could stand on one foot while balancing a pear propped up by your mom's boob?

Toppling of the Pagan Idols

Toppling of the Pagan Idols
By Bedford Master
1423
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

MARY: I will succeed in squishing you against my face, even if our halos get in the way.

JOSEPH: Oy, would you get a load of that: the idol is jumping off the pedestal!

Rest of the Flight into Egypt

Rest on the Flight into Egypt
Attributed to Michele Cavaro
Detail from the central panel of Triptych of the Consolation
Pinacoteca Nazionale, Cagliari, Italy

Got a mom addicted to self-tanning and a boob in your mouth?  Put a bird on it.

Salvation of a Man Under a Sled

Salvation of a Man Under a Sled
Unknown Austrian Painter
1800
Salzburg Museum, Salzburg, Austria

In my many years of keen Squishy Jesus observation this is a first: Squishy intervening to save a man under a sled.  I'm telling you people, the genre just keeps on giving.

Madonna and Child with St. John

Madonna and Child with St. John
By Battista Dossi
Second quarter of 16^th century
Oil on canvas, 15.7 × 12.5"
National Museum in Warsaw, Warsaw, Poland

HOMIE HANDSHAKE!

Madonna Nursing the Christ Child

Madonna Nursing the Christ Child
By Master of Magdalen Legend
Late 1400's
Tempera on oak panel, 9 3/16 x 7 3/16 x 1/4"
Brooklyn Museum, Brooklyn, NY

Finally, a normal looking baby....regrettably, sucking on neck goiter.

Flight into Egypt

Flight into Egypt
Detail from the from the Tapisseries de la Vierge
Tapestry in the Collégiale Notre-Dame, Beaune, France

Mary's stoned, Jesus is dressed as a lil' nun, and the ass is having a giggle about the whole silly situation.

The Madonna and Child

The Madonna and Child
By Pellegrino di Mariano
1460-70

That's probably a peace sign Squishy is making, but it looks more like air quotes...and, is he doing wall squats?  Most likely to reduce his thighs, which are suspiciously similar to hanging pig legs I saw all over Spain.  Jamon anyone?

Madonna of Humility

Madonna of Humility
By Jacopo di Cione
105 x 66.5 cm 
Accademia Gallery, Florence

That awkward moment when you realize your lower body has turned into an oriental rug....

Icon of Jesus

Icon of Jesus

Detail of a fresco in Veljusa Monastery, Macedonia

Sorry Papa Roach, Squishy Jesus made the sign of the horns about 2000 years before you.....