Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child


Fancy knees? Check.
Enormous hands? Check.
Chair made of hyenas? Double check.

Virgin Hodegetria

Virgin Hodegetria
Glass and ceramic tesserae on panel
Late 12th, early 13th century
The holy monastery of St. Catherine, Mt. Sinai, Egypt

Well I can tell by the circles under your eyes that somebody threw back a few too many last night....

Icon of the Theotokos

Icon of the Theotokos
6th Century
Santa Maria la Nova, Naples, Italy

Yeah, so Mary is sadly lacking the upper part of her head. This does not stop this from being a FANTASTIC painting. Seriously, why couldn't I have painted this?

Virgin Mary with the Ink Pot

Virgin Mary with the Ink Pot
By the Mittelrheinisher Master
1430
Berlin Gemäldegalerie, Germany

Mary has grabbed the ink pot away from the artist of this work, to protest that he made them look so homely.

Aww, Squishy's wearing friendship bracelets!

The Fouquet Missal

The Fouquet Missal
1470-75
Detail of an illuminated manuscript
In the collection of Yale University, USA

The guys with fancy hats are back, and this time they're giving Squishy a Pilates lesson.

The Holy Kinship

The Holy Kinship
By Jan Baegert
1530

Listen up men standing in the back: maybe if you spent more money on birth control than on fancy hats you might get this population explosion under control.

Check out Squishy's cousin playing patty-cake in front of the basket of cherries--little guy has a bizarre body!

Mary and St. Anthony Abbot

Mary and St. Anthony Abbot
Mid 1400's
Fragment of a fresco from the Church of San Salvatore, Brescia, Italy

Look at St. Anthony's sly expression, he's thinking, hmmmm, If I ring this bell maybe I can get me some of that too......

The Presentation of Jesus in the Temple

The Presentation of Jesus in the Temple
From the Albani Psalter
1130
Illuminated Manuscript

MARY (to Rabbi Big Beard): Here, I'm presenting my son.

RABBI BIG BEARD: Why does the bridge of your nose start at your hairline?

SQUISHY: Peace out Rabbi Big Beard!

LADIES ON LEFT AND RIGHT: We're holding pigeons and we have no idea why!

Crowned Virgin and Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine of Alexander

Crowned Virgin and Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine of Alexander
By Matteo da Campli
First half of 15th century


Note to viewers: St. Catherine not to scale.

Holy Family with St. John

Holy Family with St. John
by Bartolomeo Schedoni
1610
23 x 21 cm
Ashmolean Museum, Oxford, UK

Let's read it together......Go the F**k to Sleep !

Nativity

Nativity
By William Blake
1790-80
Tempera on copper, 27.3 x 38.2 cm Philadelphia Museum of Art, Philadelphia, USA

William Blake: I love your poetry man, really love it. But were you possibly under the influence of some old-timey hallucinogenics when you painted this?

The Miracle of Lactation

The Miracle of Lactation
1480
Print, Metalcut, coloured by hand, mended with fragments drawn in pen and ink and pigments.
The Victoria and Albert Museum, London, UK

It is indeed a miracle of lactation. Squishy's looking p.o.'d as Mary bypasses him and squirts milk from her shoulder straight at the praying dude.

Virgin and Child Adored by Six Angels

Virgin and Child Adored by Six Angels
By Sassetta

SQUISHY (to angel musicians): Hey, could you guys play some Jay-Z?

St. Anne, Mary and Jesus

St. Anne, Mary and Jesus
Detail of a stained glass window, Hingham, St. Andrew Church, UK

Seriously? What was the deal with medieval artists and the gigantic Grandma Anne with tiny Mary and Jesus on her lap? Just 'cause she's Grandma, doesn't mean she's got to be a giant. Jeez!

Virgin Tricherusa

Virgin Tricherusa
Betewwn 8th and 14th century
Icon from Hilander monastary

Super-bling Mary's got three hands!

Nativity

Nativity

By an unknown Ottonian artist

1025-1050

Tempera and gold leaf on parchment

The Getty Museum, Los Angeles, USA

This is sorta the Miami Beach of nativities......

St. Cecilia

St. Cecilia
By Domenichino
1617-18
Oil on canvas
Louvre, Paris

Yeah, so I admit I don't know so much about St. Cecilia but I can tell you she used baby Jesus as a music stand!!!

Virgin and Child with Musical Angels

Virgin and Child with Musical Angels
By Gianfrancesco da Tolmezzo

Whoa--nice lipstick Squishy! Is it MAC?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child

Okay people, I have no information on this. Who wants to caption it for me?

Mother of God

Mother of God
Russian icon from the early 1800's










Who say's you can't accessorize with a Savior?