Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
1250 - 1300
Detail of a tempera painting on wood
From the sanctuary of the Virgin of Rigatell
Barcelona

The matching mother and son eyebrows are EPIC.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Spanish School
1700's
Oil on canvas, 44 x 36"









And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in a gold-encrusted cone, because swaddling clothes are just so b.c.

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi
By Benvenuto di Giovanni
1475
The Smithsonian National Gallery

SQUISHY: You people are supposed to adore me, and most importantly, give me gifts. Stop slobbering all over my foot--it is vile.

KING (in blue tunic to the right): Why is everyone looking at that boring pale baby. Hello people?!? Check me out over here in this stylin' look. Girl, I have a master's degree in fierce.

Nativity

The Nativity
Illumination
The Hague, Holland

Oh man! Who knew baby Jesus was the model for the Oscar Statuette?

Gifts of the Magi

Gifts of the Magi
By Conrad von Soest
Detail of an altarpiece
Wiesnenkirche, Germany

I love every awkward inch of this painting, but I must point out my favorite bit: Squishy has two calf muscle bulges.

Yes, yes, yes, people!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Jan Gossaert
c. 1527
Oil on panel, 63 x 50 cm
Museo del Prado, Madrid

Mary! Squishy! You are completely trashing that book.....Why not show some respect?

The Vision of St. Bernard

The Vision of St. Bernard
By Alanso Cano
1650
Oil on canvas, 267 x 185 cm
Museo del Prado, Madrid

OMG Mary! If long-distance breast feeding were an Olympic sport, you'd be getting the gold.

Adoration of the Child

Adoration of the Child
By Gerrit van Honthorst
1620
Painting

MARY: We'll never need a night light again!

JOSEPH: And just think of the money we'll save on our heating bills!

The Virgin and Child

The Virgin and Child
815-16
Detail from the mosaic arch in the basilica of SS Nereo ed Achilleo

ARCHANGEL GABRIEL: What big eyes and long toes you have Squishy J!

SQUISHY: What ev Gabriel--at least I don't have a blond mullet.

The Birth of Christ

The Birth of Christ
By Simon Marmion
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

Mary! Joseph! LOOK OUT: the ox is about to step on Squishy!!!!!

St. Luke Painting the Virgin

St. Luke Painting the Virgin
Detail of a fresco in the Church of St. Peter and Paul, Biasca, Canton Ticino, Switzerland

Oh c'mon St Luke! You're supposed to be painting Squishy and Mary. Using a paint by numbers kit is cheating.

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
By Jan Vermeyen
1520 - 30
Oil on panel, 64 x 54.5 cm
The Frans Hals Museum, Haarlem

NOT Squishy Jesus--damn that's a hard body!

The Flight to Egypt

The Flight to Egypt
Illumination from the Copenhagen Psalter

I've tagged this one "Old Man Baby Jesus" by default, because I don't have tag for "Old Lady Baby Jesus" which would be more accurate.

And come to to think of it, I also don't have a tag for "Blue Testicles Slung over a Stick".

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
c. 1500
Illuminated manuscript
Collection of the New York Public Library

Talk about product placement: Mary and Jesus are wearing matching Snuggies!

St. Anne, the Virgin and Christ

St. Anne, the Virgin and Christ
By Simon Bening
1532 Illuminated Manuscript

MARY: Mom! If I've told you once, I've told you 1000 times. MY HEAD IS NOT A LAP DESK!!!!!

Our Lady of the Victory of Málaga

Our Lady of the Victory of Málaga
by Luis Niño
about 1740
Denver Art Museum, Denver, USA

Dude looks like a lady.

Madonna and Child Nativity

Madonna and Child Nativity
12 th century
Mosaic
Detail of the Nativity from the ceiling of the Martorana, Palermo, Sicily

ASS TO OX: So do you think we should tell Mary we have a case of mistaken identity here?

OX TO ASS: Heck no! Who would want to hear that their child was switched with baby Frankenstein?

Madonna of Gravedona

Madonna of Gravedona
c. 1500
Detail of a fresco in the Church of Santa Maria delle Grazie, Gravesend, Italy

Oh, don't worry your pretty little orange afro head Squishy J--mommy's gonna beat off that scary devil with a stick!

Nativity and Annunciation to the Shepherds

Nativity and Annunciation to the Shepherds
11th century
Manuscript Illumination from the Bamburg Apocalypse

Let me just state the obvious: THIS IS NOT A BABY. Yeah, it was the 11th century and all, but how did they screw up enough to put a damn teenager in the manger?!

Confidential to the ass, love love love the long ears.

Nativity

Nativity

15th Century

Detail of a stained glass window in East Brent, Somerset, UK

Dude's got a cool basket and all, but what's with the looonnnng arm?