Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By an unknown Russian artist
Late 17th - early 18th century
Tempera, silver and cloth on wood
32 х 2.5 х 4.3 cm
The Novodevichy Convent, Moscow, Russia

Leave it to the ever-chic Virgin Mary to wear a bottle opener as a bonnet.

The Infant Christ on the Orb of the World

The Infant Christ on the Orb of the World
By Joos van Cleve
1530
14.6 × 10.2"
Thyssen-Bornemisza Museum, Madrid, Spain

So yeah people, I can hold a contrapposto stance while balancing on a glass bowl because I'm not just the baby Jesus, I'm the mother-flippen savior of art history.

Virgin Mary Nursing the Infant Christ

Virgin Mary Nursing the Infant Christ
Central tympanum sculpture
Duomo di San Rufino, Assisi, Italy

Well, I don't know about you but I'd gladly attend any church with a sculpture over the door of the baby Jesus blowing up a boob-balloon from the center of Mary's chest....

The Virgin Hushing the Young Baptist

The Virgin Hushing the Young Baptist
By William Blake
27 x 38.2 cm

Now St. Johnny, how many times do I have to warn you?  Stop being such a creeper!

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By Neri di Bicci

EARTHWORM ARMS!!!!

Infant Christ and Winged Angels under an Archway

Infant Christ and Winged Angels under an Archway
By Ernst Ewald









Q: How many winged baby angels does it take to carry a catatonic looking Christ child?

A: Three: two to carry him, and one to ring a bell in front.

Madonna and Child Enthroned with Angels and Saints

Madonna and Child Enthroned with Angles and Saints

By Fillipo Lippi

c. 1430

Tempera on panel, 43.7 × 34.3 cm

Museo della collegiata di Sant'Andrea, Empoli, Italy

ANGEL (kneeling in front of Mary and Squishy): Who's a cute squishy baby?  Who? Oh just wook at his widdle pink onesie!! I just want to squeeeeeze his widdle fat cheeks!!!!!"

JOSEPH: Bitch please, this baby talk is getting old.