Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Gallerie dell'Accademia, Venice, Italy

I couldn't find a date for this painting but I believe it was made during the Pure Cartilage Appendage Age, you know, that time when people didn't have joints in their fingers or toes/

Madonna and Child Enthroned with a Donor

Madonna and Child Enthroned with a Donor
By Carlo Crivelli
1470
Painting on panel
National Gallery of Art, Washington, USA

SQUISHY: Yo! This apple is bigger than my head!

MARY:  I wish the painter wouldn't make the stomach part of my dress look like a subliminal vagina.....

DONOR (lower left):  Gah--why am I so tiny?!?!!?  Next time I'm paying enough to at least be as tall as Mary's knee.

The Nativity

The Nativity
By Fastolf Master
c. 1440 - 50
Illumination on parchment from Book of Hours, use of Sarum, page size 293 x 200 mm.

Octopus bed?  Check.
Cross-eyed ox?  Check.

Mary Theotokos

Mary Theotokos
Detail of an icon

MARY (to Squishy): What is that I smell young man?  I just changed your diaper a half hour ago!

Virgin and Child between Saints Victor and Octavian

Virgin and Child between Saints Victor and Octavian
By Priamo della Quercia
1450's
Pinacoteca, Volterra, Italy

So, what do you do when your baby has a backward's head and male pattern baldness?  Give the kid a mini castle and a feather!

Joseph and Baby Jesus

Joseph and Baby Jesus
Painting on wood panel
Icon Museum, Frankfurt, Germany

What's the glory in being the son of God, when your earth daddy upstages you with such magnificent facial hair???

Nativity

Nativity
By the Master of the Pfullendorfer Altarpiece
1497-1503
Painting on wood
Städe Museum, Frankfurt, Germany

OX AND ASS:  What the feezy is that thing?