Nativity

Nativity
c. 1430
Painting detail from an oak altarpiece
Museo nazionale di Villa Guinigi, Lucca, Italy

Electric light-up Squishy gets the Smurf angel band serenade at his nativity.  Sometimes it pays to be the son of God.

Theotokos of Hudahaj

Theotokos of Hudahaj
1700's

Too sweet: matching mother and son soul patches!

Tobed Madonna

Tobed Madonna
By Jaime Serra
c. 1359 — 1362
Tempera on panel, 63.5 x 46.4"
Prado Museum, Madrid, Spain

Let's go straight to the obvious weirdness first: Mary is breast feeding her son from a boob in the center of her chest.  But a closer view delivers even more weird: are those little griffen wearing armor at Mary's feet?  And, somebody alert American Apparel, because they're going to want to copy that vagina print on Mary's cloak.

Our Lady

Our Lady

By an unknown Coptic artist

Detail from Abadie, an illuminated manuscript 

Oh my, this is a shocker!  I never realized a certain King of Pop learned his best baby-dangling moves from Our Lady!!!!

The Virgin of Puy Amiens

The Virgin of Puy Amiens
By Antoine de Cocquerel
1501
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

Oh Mary, what a magnificent bush you have!  I'm relieved there are still some ladies ignoring that silly Brazilian waxing trend.

Holy Mary Siponto

Holy Mary Siponto
Egg tempera on panel, 129 x 81 cm
Cathedral of Manfredonia, Manfredonia, Italy

Sorry to be so blunt, Mary, but the whole drag thing just isn't working out for you.  And, gotta say, nobody believes that's a real baby on your lap.  

On the other hand, you guys are totally killing the sideways silver mohawk!
 

Presentation at the Temple

Presentation at the Temple
By Giovanni Agostino da Lodi
Oil on canvas

SQUISHY: So a giraffe walks into a bar and shouts out "High balls are on me!"

The Triumph of the Innocents

The Triumph of the Innocents
By William Holman Hunt
1883-1884

Holy crap--did Jeff Koons vomit on this painting?

Madonna of Rescue

Madonna of Rescue















A bit of advice for you, Mary and Squishy: stop accessorizing from Claire's Boutique.  That's strictly for tweens.

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
By Cigoli
1600-10
Museo Nazionale di Villa Guinigi, Lucca, Italy

KING: Look kid, I'm a king---I don't give pedicures.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Cimabue

SQUISHY: I told you, mother, I wanted a Sophie the Giraffe chew toy. Get me one now.

Madonna with Child and Two Angels

Madonna with Child and Two Angels
By Domenico Puligo
Museuo di Palazzo Martelli, Florence, Italy

Spider-body Squishy: all legs and tiny midsection.

Nativity and Bath

Nativity and Bath

Early 15th century

From a Book of Hours, use of Bayeux

Illumination on parchment, 190 x 135 mm

OX: Oh my gawd, did you fart?

ASS: The smeller's the feller, buddy.

The Virgin and Child, a Landscape Beyond

Virgin and Child, a landscape beyond

German school

Oil on canvas

New Year's resolution? 

Take it easy on the acupuncture.