The Infant Christ Distributing Bread to the Pilgrims

The Infant Christ Distributing Bread to the Pilgrims
By Esteban Murillo
1678
Oil on canvas, 86.22 x 71.65 "
Museum of Fine Arts, Budapest, Hungary

PILGRIMS: Hey kid, don't you have any gluten free bread?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Master of the Castello Nativity
Between 1448 and 1450
Oil on panel, 26.6 x 18.5"
Lower Saxony State Museum, Hannover, Germany

SQUISHY: All of you people out there laughing at the size of my equipment are going straight to H-E-double hockey stick!

Nativity

Nativity
By Dieric Bouts the Elder
1445
Oil on wood, 80 x 56 cm
Musee del Prado, Madrid

SQUISHY: Hey guys....guys?!?!!? Considering that it's my birthday, don't you think I could lie on something, just, like, an old towel?  Even a bit of hay?

Virgin and Child with Saint John

Virgin and Child with Saint John
By Jean-Léon Gérôme

New Mexico just became the 17th state to legalize gay marriage.  Every naked savior kiss your favorite camel-skin wearing bestie in celebration!!!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Dutch School
After 1500
Oil on oak parquet panel
37 x 29 cm

Move over Victoria's Secret models 'cause here comes Cheesecake Squishy and Madonna of the High Boobs.

Virgin and Child with Angels

Virgin and Child with Angels
by Simone Martini (in 1310) and Cenni di Francesco (in 1413)
Fresco
Church of San Lorenzo al Ponte and San Gimignano, San Gimignano, Italy

Well I don't know about you but this Christmas I'm decorating with a wreath of musical angels.

Flight into Egypt

Flight into Egypt
late 12th century
From an English psalter
Illumination on parchment, 261 x 175 mm

Is Mary carrying baby Jesus or is that a blue umbrella with a halo? 

 And, hmmm, are those....yes, those are testicles slung over Joseph's walking stick!

St. Vladimir Mother of God Russian Icon

St. Vladimir Mother of God Russian Icon
Late 18th/early 19th century
Oil on wood board, 11 1/4 x 9 1/2 "

Note: not all Savior heads to scale.

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels (Detail)
by Meliore di Jacopo
c. 1260-80
Museo di Arte Sacra, Certaldo, Italy

Forehead?  That's more like a fivehead.

Our Lady of the Towers with Infant Christ, between Saints Ambrose and Michele

By Bramantino
1515 - 20
Tempera and oil on panel,  157 x 122 cm
Pinacoteca Ambrosiana, Milan, Italy

Oh you know, just hanging out, reaching for a tiny naked statue while another naked dude and a gigantic frog fall dead at my feet...another day in the life of everyone's favorite savior.

The Madonna and Child in a Glory

The Madonna and Child in a Glory
c. 1475
Detail of a woodcut
The Bodleian Library, University of Oxfor, Oxford, UK




VAGINA DENTATA!

Madonna and Child with Saints Anthony of Padua and Roch

Madonna and Child with Saints Anthony of Padua and Roch
By Titian
1511
Oil on canvas, 92 x 133 cm
Prado Museum, Madrid, Spain

The guy on the right is either:

A: Having a wardrobe malfunction
B: A flasher