Presentation to the Temple

Presentation to the Temple (detail)
1420's
Our Lady of Mercy Church, Selva, Italy

Quick, someone tell the rabbi he has a caterpillar on his forehead!

Mary and Child and the Boy St. John

Mary and Child and the Boy St. John
By Luca Longhi

SQUISHY: Promise me something honey?

ST. JOHN: Anything for you dear.

SQUISHY: Say you'll never, ever, eat at Chick-fil-A.

Christ Returning to His Parents

Christ Returning to His Parents
By Simone Martini
1342
Tempera on wood, 49,5 x 35 cm
Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool, UK

MARY: This is the third time you've come home past curfew Jesus!

JOSEPH:  You're grounded, young man!  No more donkey riding privileges for a month.

TEENAGE SQUISHY:  OMG my parents are so lame!!

Virgin and Child with Saints and Donors

 

Virgin and Child with Saints and Donors

By Bernardino Luini

 1507
Oil on canvas transferred from wood, 78 x 126 cm
Museo Civico, Padua, Italy

There you are,  just trying to suck down a little breast milk in peace, when a bunch of people with big chins start staring at you, and one of them has eyeballs on a plate!!!!!

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi
By Gaudenzio Ferrari
1544-45
Detached fresco transferred to canvas, 74.8 x 53.1"
Pinacota di Brera, Milan, Italy

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home....

Virgin Adoring the Child

Virgin Adoring the Child
By Francesco Botticini
Tempera with gold on panel, 71.4 x 47.5 cm
The Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge, UK

Never to young to start with the Tai Chi lessons....

Blue Madonna

Blue Madonna
By Dom Schleswig
1669
Detail of an oil painting

My gaydar just exploded!

Icon of Our Lady of America

Icon of Our Lady of America
Saint Ann Melkite Greek Catholic Church, West Paterson, New Jersey

Take it easy on the bling Mary & S.J.  Those outfits would embarrass a pimp!

Virgin and Child with infant St. John the Baptist
By Piero di Cosimo
1520
Oil on  panel, 53.1" diameter
 Philbrook Museum of Art, Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA

Squishy and St. John: gettin' their freak on with a poor little lamb.....

The Solothurn Madonna

The Solothurn Madonna
By Hans Holbein the Younger
1522
Oil on wood, 140.5 x 102 cm
Museum der Stat Solothurn, Solothurn, Switzerland

You know, I don't remember the part in the Bible where a dude in armor with a giant feather shows up to see the baby Jesus....

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By an unknown painter

Starring your favorite virgin: Mary Cone-Boob-Freaky-Bendy-Finger.

Madonna and Child with St. John the Baptist and St. Sebastian

Madonna and Child with St. John the Baptist and St. Sebastian
By Pietro Perugino
1493
Oil on wood, 164 x 178 cm
Uffizi Gallery, Florence, Italy

ST. JOHN: (pointing) Look over there at St. Sebastian--his plaid loincloth is going to fall off any second now!!!

SQUISHY:  Holy manscaping!  Hey St. Sebastian can you hook me up with whoever does your waxing?

Vierge au Chapelet

Vierge au Chapelet

Mommy, this book is boring!  Can't you read me The Hunger Games instead?