Flight to Egypt

Flight to Egypt
By Francoise Brinnon
Detail from a book of hours

For your Halloween pleasure: you've heard of Frankenstein and the bride of Frankenstein? Well here's their baby--Frankensquishy!

The Visitation

The Visitation
1410
Detail of a tapestry in the Museum of Fine Arts, Frankfurt, Germany

Squishy and St. John the Baptist are meeting each other as fetuses! Squishy's waving hi while John's praying on his knees. I wonder if it's hard to keep their halos on while swimming in all that amniotic fluid?

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
By Jean de Montluçon
1500
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

This needs a new title: The Adoration of the Whatevs' Magi. Check out their expressions--they are like "I'm so over this". Especially the dude second from the right holding the trophy, he's rolling his eyeballs and saying "OMG this is lame" to the guy next to him.

Circumcision of Our Lord

Circumcision of Our Lord
1321
From the Pasional Abatyse Kunhuty

PUT DOWN THE KNIFE! That thing's too big for a foreskin--it's gonna cut off the whole enchilada!

St. Anne with the Virgin and Child

St. Anne with the Virgin and Child
1519
Manuscript of vellum
Burke Library, Fairfax County, Virginia

Squishy's on Mary's lap, Mary's on Grandma Anne's lap. People, what we have here is a virgin birth sandwich.

The Gifts of the Magi

The Gifts of the Magi

11th century

From the Codex Vyssgradensis manuscript

Forget frankincense and myrrh--did the Magi bring Jesus that sweet chandelier?

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By Benedetto Bonfigli
1450
Galleria Nazionalle, Perugia, Italy

Ladies and Gentlemen! Come one, come all, see the amazing levitating Squishy Jesus!

The Virgin Mary and Child

The Virgin Mary and Child
c. 1200
Detail of a fresco in Notre Dame, Montmorillon, France

MARY--stop using Squishy's hand as a Kleenex!

The Nativity of Our Lord Christ

The Nativity of Our Lord Christ
By Jacopo Torriti
1296
Detail of a mosaic in Santa Maria Maggiore, Rome

Joseph's expression pretty much sums this up: perspective WTF? Yes, this mosaic is another product of the School of Dubious Perspective. The manger is a Tesla puzzle. The ox and ass have no lower bodies, but are nonetheless eager to smell the tied up baby in the manager.

Adoration of the Kings

Adoration of the Kings
By Herri Met de Bles
Mimara Museum, Zagrev, Croatia

SQUISHY: There's nothing in this box but incense and spices. Damn it! I wanted candy!!

KING (upper left): How dare you mouth off to us! [Smacks Squishy with his hat].

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By the Mater of Guillaume Lambert
1460
Illumination, 65 x 95 mm

Well, I'm not sure about Mary, but Squishy sure is, um, looking happy to see you!

Madonna and Child with Six Angels

Madonna and Child with Six Angels
By Master of Pratovecchio
1440's

Oh yes people: it's a cheerleader pyramid made of angels!

The Holy Family with Shepherds

The Holy Family with Shepherds
By Jacob Jordaens
1616
Oil on canvas, transferred from wood, 42 x 30 "

Ah, there's nothing so cozy on a chilly night than gathering around a warm toasty breast!

Squishy: you have super-muscular thighs and yet your belly is fatso. Could you try to be more consistent?