Triptych (detail)

Triptych (detail)
by an unknown German master
1410-40
Tempera on oak, 85,3 x 95 cm
Wallraf-Richartz Museum, Cologne

This painting depicts the holy kinship, which is a gathering of all the relatives of Jesus.

You can tell they are conversing by the banners coming out of their heads. Even the naked, Ken-and-Barbie-crotched babies are chatting. The babies with the halos are Jesus and Saint John the Baptist.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
by Vincenzo Foppa
1460s
Poplar, 57 x 41 cm
Staatliche Museen, Berlin

Hey it's supposed to be Baby Jesus, not overweight middle-aged Jesus with gold sash.

Madonna on a Crescent Moon in Hortus Conclusus

Madonna on a Crescent Moon in Hortus Conclusus
by an unknown German Master
1450s
Oak, 95 x 62 cm
Staatliche Museen, Berlin

Jesus blesses all the little people who helped him get where he is today.

Meanwhile, Mary sits on a Moon, and her robe has tiny flames around the edges. The bushes in the garden surrounding her are full of stars.

Madonna with the Child

Madonna with the Child
by Luis de Morales
Oil on wood, 71,5 x 52 cm
The Hermitage, St. Petersburg

It's not widely publicized, but Quentin Crisp actually began his career posing as the Baby Jesus.

The Burning Bush (detail)

The Burning Bush (detail)

by Nicolas Froment

1476

Wood

Cathedrale Saint Sauveur, Aix-en-Provence

Homely baby Jesus with an abnormally large ear holds a small painting of himself on his mother's lap.

Mary has a naughty expression--could be she's thinking about her own burning bush, if you get my drift.

The Virgin and Child before a Firescreen

The Virgin and Child before a Firescreen

by Master of Flémalle

1430

Oil on wood, 63 x 49 cm

National Gallery, London

Another centerfold squishy Jesus! Jesus reclines odalisque fashion on Mary's arm while the firescreen behind her head forms a halo.

Look closely at the corners on the edge of the bench at the two nifty carved lions.

Woman of the Apocalypse

Woman of the Apocalypse
by an unknown German master
1390s
Oak, 32 x 20 cm
Staatliche Museen, Berlin

This Madonna is known as the Woman of the Apocalypse because she's stamping on a moon and a smiley-face sun.

Zoom in on Mary's weird dead hand holding her freaky skinny baby. Definitely apocalyptic.

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
by Marco Zoppo
1455
Wood transferred to canvas, 89 x 72 cm
Musée du Louvre, Paris

Jesus wears his halo like a hat in this painting, but the putti surounding him really steal the show. What's up with the putti on either side of Jesus and Mary? It's like they are posing for Playboy.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
by Bernaert van Orley
c. 1515
Oil on wood, 59 x 38,5 cm
Landesmuseum, Oldenburg

Mary stands in a very symmetrical room, looking down with adoration at her Baby Jesus. She would do anything for him, including moving her breast to the center of her chest.....

Virgin and Child with Two Angels

Virgin and Child with Two Angels
by Ambrogio Bergognone
1480-85
Panel, 37 x 28 cm
Museo Poldi Pezzoli, Milan

In this painting, Baby Jesus returns to Mary after a night of debauchery with two hung-over angels. The angel on the right smeared her lipstick getting sick outside the manger.

Triptych: Adoration of the Magi

Triptych: Adoration of the Magi
by Pieter Coecke van Aelst
Oil on panel, 89 x 57 cm (central), 89 x 25 cm (each wing)
Private collection

Baby Jesus appears pregnant with his own baby--possibly the second virgin birth?

If you google this artist you can see he was big on Adoration of the Magi scenes. Don't you wish your name was Pieter Coecke van Aelst?

Retable of the Virgin of Montserrat

Retable of the Virgin of Montserrat
by Bartolomé Bermejo
c. 1485 Panel
Cathedral, Acqui Terme

Whoa, Baby Jesus has his head on sideways! And a bird on a string!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
by Alessio Baldovinetti
1460-65
Wood, 106 x 75 cm
Musée du Louvre, Paris

In this painting, Baby Jesus manages to free himself from bondage while balancing a plate-halo on his head.