Nativity of Christ

 

 Nativity of Christ

 By Simone dei Crocifissi

1380

Tempera on wood, 47x25 cm

Uffizi Gallery, Florence, Italy

ANGEL (upper right, in red): So my lower body is supposed to be a cloud, but I wonder if that shepherd down there thinks he's looking up my tutu?  Oh hey there!

SHEPHERD: Hey girl!

OX: FOR THE LOVE OF YAHWEH TAKE THIS ROPE OFF MY NECK!!!!!!!!

The Virgin and Child with the Venerable Brother Francisco del Niño Jesús Blessing a Youth

The Virgin and Child with the Venerable Brother Francisco del Niño Jesús Blessing a Youth
By Juan Sariñena
1607
Real Colegio Seminario del Corpus Christi, Valencia, Spain

Mother and son: killing it with the eyebrow pencil.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Simon Vouet

Christ child or flotation device?

St. Anne, Mary and Christ Child

St. Anne, Mary and Christ Child

16th Century

AKA The Didn't I See you in National Geographic? Holy Family

Holy Family

Holy Family
By Marcello Venusti
1565
National Gallery, London, UK

SQUISHY: Imma be real real with ya'll: it's too damn early for this Holy Bible bizness.

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi

12th century, third quarter  

English Psalter on parchment

Exhibit A on how medieval art never fails to entertain.  Do you dig the three surprised Kings?  Did you notice the subliminal boobs formed by the pink towers on top?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Cesare Vecellio

The Great Dane of baby Jesus's.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By George Nicholson
1930
Print on papyrus, 162 x 126 millimeters
British Museum, London, UK

You werq it Squishy!

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
Detail from an illuminated manuscript

Adoration of the "Meh" Magi.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Maesto di San Jacopo a Mucciana
1410-20
Musei Civici, Pesaro, Italy

LOST: right breast of virgin mother.  Last seen inside red gown.  Please return immediately if found.  Eternal reward.

Presentation of Jesus at the Temple

Presentation of Jesus at the Temple (detail)
By Ambrogio Lorenzetti
1342
Oil on panel, 257 × 168 cm
Galleria degli Uffizi, Florence, Italy

Don't ever get old, kid.  Adults have scary wrinkles.

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi
Mid 15th Century
Illumination detail from a book of hours, use of Rome

While everyone's busy offering Squishy gifts, Joseph takes advantage of a little down time to grill out on his hibachi.  Happy Labor Day everyone!

Virgin Enthroned with Child

Virgin Enthroned with Child
12th century, third quarter
Manuscript illumination on parchment

Please oh please will someone buy me this chair?  There's a giant fleu-de-lis in it for you.

Madonna Nicopeia

Madonna Nicopeia

Byzantine Icon in St. Mark's Basilica

Venice, Italy

  

Yeah Boyee!!!

Madonna Nursing the Infant Christ

Madonna Nursing the Infant Christ
By Jan Provoost
1520
Oil painting

SQUISHY: Drinking my dinner, people.

Nativity

Nativity
By Blasco de Grañén
Detail of the Altarpiece of Oto, Museo Diocesano Barbastro-Monzón, Barbastro, Spain

ASS: Whoa, is this a baby or a  giant tampon?

OX: Check me out--my skin is red and my ears are really far apart!

MARY:  Look up at the weird clouds everyone!

JOSEPH:  I have the coolest halo, neener neener neener.

Madonna and Child with Saints Peter and Francis of Assisi

Madonna and Child with Saints Peter and Francis of Assisi
By Francesco Francia
Museo di Casa Martelli, Florence, Italy

A historic painting, in which we see Jesus presented with the world's first Lego castle.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Maestro dagli Occhi Ammiccanti
1460

Now remember Squishy, the secret to blush is to blend, blend, blend.

Dubious makeup application aside, this is a delightful painting.  Mary and Squishy are sharing a head scarf!  Squishy is pulling mom's finger!  Mary has crow's feet!

Holy Family

Holy Family
By Dr. Caballero
1697

If you from the streets like me, put your hands up!

If you rep your city like me, put your hands up!

If you put in work like me, put your hands up!

Nativity

Nativity

After 1235

Detail from Psalterium Feriatum

Daddy Joe, your mini-sombrero nipple hat is a fashion do!