Ethiopian Madonna

 

Ethiopian Madonna

By an unknown Ethiopian scribe

1875

Manuscript

  

"Super dee-duper!"

 

 

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By a follower of Benozzo Gozzoli
1450 - 1500
 Honolulu Academy of Arts

Man, is that ever a baby Jesus shit-eating grin.

Mary Hodegetria

Mary Hodegetria
1500's
Historical Museum, Sanok, Poland











Our Lady of the Understache, and her son, Christ Child of the Three Adam's Apples.

The Virgin and Child Jesus

The Virgin and Child Jesus
By an unknown Italian artist
1500's
Fresco on tile, 37 x 52 cm

Didn't Freud write a book about this painting?

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child (detail)
By Giovanni di Paolo
1445
Tempera on panel
 From Castiglione d'Orcia (Siena)
Church of St. Simeon in Rocca d'Orcia

SQUISHY: You can take this titty from my cold dead hands.

Virgin, Child and St. Anne

Virgin, Child and St. Anne
Painting detail

Someone pass Squishy the NyQuil.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Andrea de Litio
1465
Detail of a fresco

One of the lesser known miracles of Christ: he was born with a full set of teeth.

The Nativity and the Adoration of the Magi

The Nativity and the Adoration of the Magi
From a 15th century Armenian manuscript

Oh I have the biggest lady-bone for this illustration!!!  Look at Mary's knees, and the crumpled purple fabric bottom left, and the smiley-face star coming down over Squishy!  Let's just pretend I painted this, agreed?

Virgin of the Milk

Virgin of the Milk

Baby's got back.

Flight into Egypt

Flight into Egypt
History Museum, Stockholm, Sweden

Poor Squishy, upstaged by his donkey's ears.

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
By Giovanni Francesco di Rimini
Tempera on wood, 65 x 42 cm

There's so much I could say about this painting....but the best way to put it is: this sh**t cray.

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
French Illuminated Manuscript in the British Library

SQUISHY (to big beard King):  You throwing me shade?

Madonna and Child between Sts Andrew and Prosper

Madonna and Child between Sts Andrew and Prosper (detail)
By Benozzo Gozzoli
1446 
Tempera on panel,  53.9 x 54.3"
Museo Civico, San Gimignano, Italy

It must be so much easier when you go to a conference in heaven: instead of wearing one of those sticky "Hello my name is" labels you can just have your name on your halo.

The Birth of Jesus

The Birth of Jesus
By Jan Baegert
Altarpiece

SQUISHY: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.

The Madonna and Child with the Infant St. John the Baptist

The Madonna and Child with the Infant St. John the Baptist
By an artist of the Bolognese School

[Sniff]   Hmmm.....smells like wheat and barley, of vines, figs, and pomegranates, and a hint of olive trees and honey.

Madonna and Child Enthroned with Angels

Madonna and Child Enthroned with Angels
By Giovanni di Tano Fei
1399
Detail of a triptych in the Ospedale Serristori di Figline Valdarno

Squishy can stand on one foot while searching in his moms shirt for a boobie: kid's got the skillz.

Madonna and Child with Saints Jerome and Francis

Madonna and Child with Saints Jerome and Francis
By Francesco Raibolini
1500
Oil on panel, transferred to canvas, re-transferred to panel
24-3/4 x 18-5/8"
The Norton Simon Foundation, Pasadena, CA

ST. JEROME AND MARY:  We're staring into the middle distance like a couple of zombies: weird, right?

ST. FRANCIS:  Squishy, I'm having a nice long look at your package and that is not circumcised.  I don't believe you're really Jewish.

SQUISHY: Bitch please, I'm practically inventing the contrapposto stance right here.  I'm changing the course of art history as we know it and I can do that with or without a foreskin.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
Detail of a fresco in St. Michael's Abbey, Val di Susa, Italy

Although I cannot confirm or deny whether Squishy is wearing nipple rings, I can confidently state that his chair, with it's toothbrush handle arms, is totally awesome.

The Virgin and Child with the Infant St John the Baptist and an Angel

The Virgin and Child with the Infant St John the Baptist and an Angel
By a follower of Lippi e Pesellino
1460-70
Tempera on panel,  41.3 × 41.3"
São Paulo Museum of Art, São Paulo, Brazil

Not naming any names here, but it appears certain people may be missing a chromosome or two.

Gifts of the Magi

Gifts of the Magi
Detail of a 15th century manuscript

Oh my, those are some alarmingly phallic gifts.