Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
From the Royal Museum of Fine Arts, Brussels









New Year's Resolutions:

1) Master the art of sideways breastfeeding
2) Learn sign language
3) Do both simultaneously.

The Nativity

The Nativity
By the studio of Lucas Cranach the Elder
Oil on panel, 29 x 48 cm
The National Trust Collection

The little putto in the front is getting ready to try out to be a Victoria Secret angel, transparent lingerie and all....

The Madonna of Humility

The Madonna of Humility
By Niccolo Semitecolo
1370
Tempera on panel
The Basilica of St. Anthony, Padua, Italy

MARY: So I says to the kid "What do ya want for your birthday" and he says "I wanna drink milk from a boob coming out of your belly button". And who am I to deny him?

Holy Family

Holy Family
By Cesare Dandini
1640's
Oil on canvas, 58.3 x 43.7 "
Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg, Russia

Uh oh--looks like I'm not the only one who's been eating too many Christmas cookies....

Madonna of the Milk

Madonna of the Milk
By an unknown painter from Abruzzo with Byzantine influence
1250-1300

Holy water-balloon tit Batman!

The Adoration of the Christ Child

The Adoration of the Christ Child
By a follower of Jan van Kalkar
1515

MARY: He's beautiful! And he's come to save mankind from sin!

ANGELS: Even better, he doubles as a space heater!!!

The Madonna and Child with Female Martyr in a Landscape

The Madonna and Child with Female Martyr in a Landscape
By Giovan Battista Benvenuti
Oil on panel, 17.5 x 14.8 "

Damn this Pilates is a bitch!

Image of Christ

Image of Christ
By Fra Anselm Turmeda
1822
From a book printed in Barcelona called la Oració de Sant Roch

Oh hey, Squishy needs a training bra!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
1410
Tapestry in the Museum of Applied Arts, Frankfurt, Germany

Alternate title: Millipede Madonna and Child.

Madonna Incaldana

Madonna Incaldana
By Giuseppe Papa

Questions:

1) Where is that boob coming from?
2) How do Mary and Jesus keep those crowns from slipping off their heads?

The Fountain of Life

The Fountain of Life
By Father Victor
c. 1650-1700
Icon from the Church of the Blessed Virgin in Corfu, Greece

Spitting fountain crib for the win!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Cristoforo di Giovanni da San Severino
1450-1500
Detail of a fresco in the Church of Pantanelle,San Severino Marche, Italy

QUICK: someone get this couple a laxative!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
1300's
Detail of a fresco in St. Demetrius Church, Markova Sušica, Macedonia

I'm not going to fall for the old distract the viewer with a funky halo so she doesn't notice Jesus has no lower body trick this time......

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
By Master of Jacques de Besanco
1480-90
Detail of an illuminated book of hours
Private collection

DOUBLE kissy foot! From a king in a gray mullet!!

St. Gertrude the Great

St. Gertrude the Great

St. Gertie is either wearing a talking Squishy Jesus brooch or (squint a little) a misplaced vagina.

The Virgin and Child with St. Anne

The Virgin and Child with St. Anne
By Gerolamo dai Libri
The National London Gallery

Squishy is standing on Mary who in turn is sitting on St. Anne's lap: it's a virgin birth turduckden.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nativity

Nativity

Illuminated Manuscript from the British Library

The ox and ass are all like "What up Squishy? You levitating or somethin'"?

Maria Lactans

Maria Lactans
From the workshop of the Master of the Mountain in the Clouds
1470's

Awww, Squishy is such an old geezer here. Not the mean "get off my lawn" kind but the type of sweet old guy that talks your ear off while your waiting for the bus.

Child Jesus Lying on the Cross

Child Jesus Lying on the Cross
c. 1800
Detail of a painting on glass

Soooo, you know, you're thinking of making a religious painting on glass and what comes to mind? A cheesecake boy Jesus reclining on a cross in red hot pants, of course!

Circumcision of Christ

Circumcision of Christ
By Bartolomeo Veneto

SQUISHY (to Rabbi Big Beard): Look, I'm letting you cut off my foreskin--the least you can do in return is loan me that fancy headband.