The Miracle of Lactation

The Miracle of Lactation
1480
Print, Metalcut, coloured by hand, mended with fragments drawn in pen and ink and pigments.
The Victoria and Albert Museum, London, UK

It is indeed a miracle of lactation. Squishy's looking p.o.'d as Mary bypasses him and squirts milk from her shoulder straight at the praying dude.

Virgin and Child Adored by Six Angels

Virgin and Child Adored by Six Angels
By Sassetta

SQUISHY (to angel musicians): Hey, could you guys play some Jay-Z?

St. Anne, Mary and Jesus

St. Anne, Mary and Jesus
Detail of a stained glass window, Hingham, St. Andrew Church, UK

Seriously? What was the deal with medieval artists and the gigantic Grandma Anne with tiny Mary and Jesus on her lap? Just 'cause she's Grandma, doesn't mean she's got to be a giant. Jeez!

Virgin Tricherusa

Virgin Tricherusa
Betewwn 8th and 14th century
Icon from Hilander monastary

Super-bling Mary's got three hands!

Nativity

Nativity

By an unknown Ottonian artist

1025-1050

Tempera and gold leaf on parchment

The Getty Museum, Los Angeles, USA

This is sorta the Miami Beach of nativities......

St. Cecilia

St. Cecilia
By Domenichino
1617-18
Oil on canvas
Louvre, Paris

Yeah, so I admit I don't know so much about St. Cecilia but I can tell you she used baby Jesus as a music stand!!!

Virgin and Child with Musical Angels

Virgin and Child with Musical Angels
By Gianfrancesco da Tolmezzo

Whoa--nice lipstick Squishy! Is it MAC?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child

Okay people, I have no information on this. Who wants to caption it for me?

Mother of God

Mother of God
Russian icon from the early 1800's










Who say's you can't accessorize with a Savior?

Flight into Egypt

Flight into Egypt
Detail of a Book of Hours illuminated manuscript in the library of the University of Texas, Austin, USA

Geez-o-feakin' Pete, that's a homely baby!

And Mary's halo--is it a tambourine?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Dosso Dossi
1425
Borghese Gallery, Rome

Electric haystack halos? Thumbs up!

St. Christopher

St. Christopher
1485-1499
Detail of an illuminated Flemish Book of Hours
University of Texas at Austin, USA

OMG St. Christopher has a hipster beard and haircut! All he needs now is a flannel and an ironic t-shirt and he'll be taking Squishy to Pitchfork!

Galaktotrophousa

Galaktotrophousa
By Master Ioanni
1778
Onassis Foundation

Er, is Mary nursing Squishy from her bicep??????

St. Christopher and the Infant Christ

St. Christopher and the Infant Christ
By Domenico Ghirlandaio
1400's
Fresco, 112 x 59"
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

ST. CHRISTOPHER TO SQUISHY: As soon as I get you across this river what do you say we start a gay bowling league?

The Circumcision of Christ

The Circumcision of Christ
Detail of an illumination from a French book of hours, 7 x 5 "

Confidential to the Rabbi, you're holding the knife backwards....

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
12th Century
Detail of a fresco in the Église Saint Martin de Vic, France

Lookin' sharp with the Mother and Son matching blush and brows.

Birth of Christ

Birth of Christ
1200's
Detail of a mosaic ceiling in the Baptistery of Florence, Italy

MARY: I gave birth to the son of God so now I get to go on a magic carpet ride. Wheeee!!!!!

GOD: (Writing in his holy note pad) This is supposed to be my son? Excuse me people but the son of God is not a balding larvae!

The Presentation in the Temple

Presentation in the Temple
By Taddeo Gaddi
Painting on panel
Accadamia Gallery, Florence

MARY TO RABBI: Damn, give him back already! I just wanted to present Squishy, not get him lost in your beard!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Artist unknown
Tempera on wood panel

Mary: your knees are totes amazeballs!

Squishy: better do something about your neck goiter.

Virgin and Child Enthroned with Scenes from the Life of the Virgin

Virgin and Child Enthroned with Scenes from the Life of the Virgin

By an unknown Spanish artist

1400-1500

Detail of a panel

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

I don't get it: why does one king get the fancy ass star halo and the other kings get nothing?