St. Christopher

St. Christopher
1485-1499
Detail of an illuminated Flemish Book of Hours
University of Texas at Austin, USA

OMG St. Christopher has a hipster beard and haircut! All he needs now is a flannel and an ironic t-shirt and he'll be taking Squishy to Pitchfork!

Galaktotrophousa

Galaktotrophousa
By Master Ioanni
1778
Onassis Foundation

Er, is Mary nursing Squishy from her bicep??????

St. Christopher and the Infant Christ

St. Christopher and the Infant Christ
By Domenico Ghirlandaio
1400's
Fresco, 112 x 59"
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

ST. CHRISTOPHER TO SQUISHY: As soon as I get you across this river what do you say we start a gay bowling league?

The Circumcision of Christ

The Circumcision of Christ
Detail of an illumination from a French book of hours, 7 x 5 "

Confidential to the Rabbi, you're holding the knife backwards....

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
12th Century
Detail of a fresco in the Église Saint Martin de Vic, France

Lookin' sharp with the Mother and Son matching blush and brows.

Birth of Christ

Birth of Christ
1200's
Detail of a mosaic ceiling in the Baptistery of Florence, Italy

MARY: I gave birth to the son of God so now I get to go on a magic carpet ride. Wheeee!!!!!

GOD: (Writing in his holy note pad) This is supposed to be my son? Excuse me people but the son of God is not a balding larvae!

The Presentation in the Temple

Presentation in the Temple
By Taddeo Gaddi
Painting on panel
Accadamia Gallery, Florence

MARY TO RABBI: Damn, give him back already! I just wanted to present Squishy, not get him lost in your beard!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Artist unknown
Tempera on wood panel

Mary: your knees are totes amazeballs!

Squishy: better do something about your neck goiter.

Virgin and Child Enthroned with Scenes from the Life of the Virgin

Virgin and Child Enthroned with Scenes from the Life of the Virgin

By an unknown Spanish artist

1400-1500

Detail of a panel

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

I don't get it: why does one king get the fancy ass star halo and the other kings get nothing?

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
1440
Detail of an illumination from the Hours of Catherine of Cleves

HOLY SHIZNIT! Squishy's got a baby walker!!!!!!!!

Lactation of Saint Pedro Nolasco

Lactation of Saint Pedro Nolasco (detail)
By Ignacio Chacón
Oil on canvas
Monastry La Merced in Cuzco, Peru

Remember everyone: sharing is caring!

Madonna and Child Nursing

Madonna and Child Nursing
By an unknown Flemish Artist
Early 1500's
Oil on wood
Honolulu Acadamy of Arts, USA

Neck-boob slash goiter. Wha???????

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Tintoretto
1570 - 72
Oil on canvas, 39 1/8 x 51

We started out with shots, then I bought everyone a round......after that it's all fuzzy. Hey, Ma, do we have any asprin?

Holy Infants

Holy Infants
By Marco d'Oggiono

Did you hear? The New York Senate just legalized gay marriage in NY. Win! Win! Win!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Mid 1300's
Detail of a stained glass window in St. John the Baptist church, Fladbury, UK




MARY: Hungry? Here is my breast!

SQUISHY: No, I can't do it! I'm too freaked out that you have no neck. I will eat this orange instead.

The Circumcision of Christ

The Circumcision of Christ
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

Attention Rabbi Blue Hat: you are doing something kinda serious with that knife. Don't you want to be looking at Squishy's foreskin, not his face?

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
By Correggio
1512-14
Oil on linden wood, 66 x 55 cm
Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna

Mommy, can you please explain one more time who I make the Father's Day card out to?

Nativity

Nativity
By Giacomo de Buschis
1470
Fresco in the Oratory of the Disciples, Clusone, Italy

What do you think: are the ox and ass inflatable? Or stuffed?

St. Anne Holding the Virgin and Child

St. Anne Holding the Virgin and Child
1540
Stained glass from All Saints Church, Earsham, UK

Okay, so am I going to have to start a new category for Awkward Families? Because when granny Annie holds little gold haired Mary and Squishy that is one awkward composition......

The Holy Kinship

The Holy Kinship
By Master of the Ortenberg Altar
Hessian National Museum, Darmstadt

Isn't this straight out of Awkward Family Photos? Let's all wear taupe and bring the babies to the portrait studio---yay!