Madonna and Child with St Ignatius of Antioch and St Onophrius (detail)

Madonna and Child with St Ignatius of Antioch and St Onophrius (detail)
By Lorenzo Lotto
1508
Oil on wood
Galleria Borghese, Rome

....in which St Onophrius hands Squishy a suspiciously vaginal piece of fruit.

Madonna of the Passion

Madonna of the Passion
By Carlo Crivelli
c. 1460
Tempera on wood, 71 × 48 cm
Museo di Castelvechio, Verona

The true joy of this painting is in the details. And what details!! First of all, what's with the tiny people? Note the lardy penitent with the cross and the black diaper. And WTF: the naked boy on the left grasping the pillar--Holy MANGINA!

Madonna and Child with Saint Joseph and an Angel

Madonna and Child with Saint Joseph and an Angel
By Raffaellino del Garbo
Tempera on canvas, transferred from wood; 22 x 15 in. The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York




Squishy: Got me some booby!!!!

Joseph: Wish I had me some.

Angel: Pervs.....

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Michele Giambono
c. 1450
Panel, 27 x 60 cm
Galleria Franchetti, Ca' d'Oro, Venice

Hey there God? Dad? Do you have a moment? See, my head's on backward, could you please assist? Pretty please?

Madonna with Child and John the Baptist

Madonna with Child and John the Baptist
By Francesco d'Ubertino
c.1540-1550








SQUISHY CENTERFOLD!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Carlo Crivelli
San Diego Museum of Art

Hey Mom, could you please not hug me so hard? You're making my halo fall off.

The Virgin and Child

The Virgin and Child
By an anonymous Flemish Artist
c. 1500
Oil on panel, 36.8 x 28.5 cm
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam




Mary's breast: conveniently located on the corner of neck and collar bone.

Holy Family with the Young St John the Baptist

Holy Family with the Young St John the Baptist
By Piero di Cosimo
c. 1520
Panel, 119 x 87 cm
Collezione Vittorio Cini, Venice

Now Jesus, I want you to hold the Bible and repeat after me "I Squishy J do solemnly swear that, to the best of my abilities, I will someday grow up to look exactly like Richard Simmons. Amen"

And, Saint John, don't think I can't see you there in the corner making a slingshot out of your cross.

Adoration of the Magi

Mantegna Magi.jpgAdoration of the Magi
By Andrea Mantegna
1495-1505

Look, I drink BREAST MILK. Get that freaky magi juice away from me baldy!

The Adoration of the Shepherds

The Adoration of the Shepherds
By Matthias Stomer
about 1635-40
Oil on canvas
44 5/8 x 63 5/8"
North Carolina Museum of Art, USA

Oh yeeesssss! The angel said he would be the son of God, but he didn't mention we were getting a free space heater too!

The Nativity (The Adoration of the Christ Child)

The Nativity (The Adoration of the Christ Child)
By Zanobi Strozzi
ca. 1460
Tempera on panel, 15 1/4 x 11 1/2 in.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

MARY: Son, son, what are you doing naked on the front yard lying on a towel?

SQUISHY: Working on my tan.

JOSEPH: Without sunblock again? You're grounded, young man!

Madonna Breastfeeding the Baby Jesus

Madonna Breastfeeding the Baby Jesus

By Macrino d'Alba

The Aldo Borletti Collection, Milan

Boob? Apple? Boob? Apple? Decisions......

Madonna del Parto

Madonna del Parto
By an unknown Italian artist
Fresco in a church in Sutri, Italy

Okay Mary and Joseph, if you don't let Squishy out of his bondage I'm calling DCFS on you.

Salome Bathing Jesus

Salome Bathing Jesus (detail)
By an unknown Byzantine Artist
Late 11th century
Fresco
Dark Church, Open Air Museum, Goreme, Cappadocia, Turkey

So what if Jesus has a larger cup size than me?

The Small Cowper Madonna

The Small Cowper Madonna
By Raffaello Sanzio
1504-05
Oil on wood, 58 x 43 cm
National Gallery of Art, Washington

Um, hey mom. I feel a giant dump coming on--you might want to move your hand.

Virgin of the Inexhaustible Cup

Virgin of the Inexhaustible Cup
Icon

Crib FAIL.

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi (detail)
By Fra Angelico
c. 1445
Panel
National Gallery of Art, Washington

KING: Hmmm...toe jam.

SQUISHY: Back off, you 60's wannabe cult leader!

OX: Moo. (Translation; Who's admiring my fancy bangs?)

Madonna Enthroned

Madonna Enthroned
By an unknown Bohemian master
c. 1350
Tempera on wood, 51.8 x 32.7 cm
Städtische Kunstsammlungen, Görlitz, Germany

Mary and Squishy went to the pet store. Instead of a kitten, they brought home one of those deluxe cat trees to use as a throne.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
c. 1200 - 1300
Detail of a detatched fresco from the upper sanctuary of Sacro Monte Varese, Baroffio Museum, Lombardy, Italy

Mary: Gah! Look what the donkey left on the rug.

Squishy: Don't make me clean it up Mommy. No, no, no, PLEASE!

Adoration of Jesus

The Adoration of Jesus
By Master of the Vienna Adoration
c. 1410
Painting on board, 26 x 22"
Museum of Fine Arts, Budapest, Hungary

Why do all these foreign dudes keep asking me to drink their kool-aid?