Virgin and Child in a Garden

Virgin and Child in a Garden
By an unknown German master
c. 1410
Oil on panel, 29 x 19 cm
Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, Madrid

The title of the painting is Virgin and Child in a Garden, but it looks more like Virgin and Child in a Wicker Basket Surrounded by Surrealist Objects to me.

What the heck is that platform thingy with the spikes in the upper right corner? And more importantly, who's the dude with the floating head in the tree?

The Madonna della Salute

The Madonna della Salute
By an unknown Greek painter
12th century
Wood
Santa Maria della Salute, Venice


Okay, yeah, Squishy J is looking elderly. Very elderly. But on the plus side, he has a diploma!

Madonna and Child with Saints and Angels

Madonna and Child with Saints and Angels
By Sano di Pietro,
1460-1470
El Paso Museum of Art, El Paso, Texas

OMFG: Liberace Squishy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Francesco Benaglio
1465-1472
Oil on cradled panel, 26 5/16 in. x 16 5/16 "
Memorial Art Gallery, University of Rochester, USA

In case the whole savior thing didn't work out, Squishy's back up plan was to work as a Victoria's Secret model.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Neri di Bicci













Where's the booby! I know it's in there somewhere!!!!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Jacopo di Cione
1300's
Palais Rosemberg, Prague

Mary tickles Squishy with her extremely long finger to distract him from the discomfort of his first case of constipation.

Nativity

Nativity
By Hans Baldung
1516
Alterpiece
Cathedral of Frieburg, Germany

Mary and a crowd of obese cherubim gather around to see the first prototype of a light up Christmas ornament.

Don't miss the ox coming out of the shadows in the upper left!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Franceso Benaglio
late 1460s
Tempera on fabric transferred from panel, 80.7 x 56.2 cm
Washington, National Gallery of Art

Oh noes Mommy--there are giant caterpillars in the sky!

Madonna del Latte

Madonna del Latte
S. Maria Annunciata, Varese, Italy

Uh, Jesus, you're getting a little old for that.

Holy Family with Five Angels

Holy Family with Five Angels
By Hans Baldung Grien
c. 1507
Painting on wood, 73.1 x 55.8 cm
Heinz Kisters Collection, Kreuzlingen, Switzerland

What's your problem--you've never seen angels with afros before?

Virgin and Child with the Infant St. John the Baptist

Virgin and Child with the Infant St. John the Baptist
By Francesco Francia
(1510)Between 1510 and 1515
Oil on panel, 25.59 × 20.08 in
São Paulo Museum of Art, São Paulo, Brazil

Saint John the Baptist assists Squishy as he works on his pole vaulting routine in preparation for the 2016 Olympics in Rio.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Follower of Giotto
First quarter 14th century
Tempera on wood, gold ground,
24 1/4 x 16 1/2 in
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

Aww, mom--why the long face?

The Translation of the Holy House of Loreto

The Translation of the Holy House of Loreto
By Saturnino Gatti
ca. 1510
Tempera and gold on wood, 33 1/4 x 21 5/8 in.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

See, here's what happened: Ronald McDonald and The Virgin Mary had a baby named Squishy McDonald. They got their son a toy church to play with. After a while Squishy McJ got bored with the church so his parents hired some angels to hold the church up in the air so he could feel like he's flying.

In the background you can also see Squishy McJ's model boat.

Madonna and Child on a Grass Bench

Madonna and Child on a Grass Bench
By Master of the Tiburtine Sibyl
ca. 1470
Oil on panel, 41.2 × 29.6 cm
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

Poor Squishy! Mary and Joseph refuse to buy him a kite, so he's forced to tie a birdie on a string instead.

Madonna and Child with St. John the Baptist

Madonna and Child with St. John the Baptist
By Piero di Cosimo
c. 1500
Oil on wood, diameter 93 cm
Musée des Beaux-Arts, Strasbourg

More Squishy and SJTB love, Sumo wrestling style.

Joseph and Jesus

Joseph and Jesus
By an unknown artist
Cusco, Peru
1700's







Rare indeed: a portrait of the metrosexual father and son.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By an anonymous painter of the Lucchese School
c. 1200
Tempera and gold on wood panel
El Paso Museum of Art, USA

Dear anonymous painter of the Lucchese School,

I was wondering why people look so grim in 1200. Was it the poor dental care? Also, were there babies around then?

Thank you and best wishes,

Matti

The Virgin and Child with Angels

The Virgin and Child with Angels
by an artist of the Ferrarese School
15th Century
Tempera, oil and gold on panel, 58.50 x 44.00 cm
National Gallery of Scotland, Edinburgh

Holy moly (pun intended), this is an awesome painting! I'm loving the ye olde rusticy trompe-l'œil frame. And the angels wings--they seem less like something useful for actual flying and more like a cheap decorative accessory. Is there a Claire's Boutique for angels? Squishy is looking quite pale and sleepy. He has to hold on to his ma's belt for support.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Rogier van der Weyden
c.1460
Oil on panel
The Henry E. Huntington Art Gallery, San Marino, CA, USA

Careful, Squishy, your diaper's slipping!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Sano di Pietro
1447-49
Museum of Fine Arts, Boston

Mother and son hangover.

Bummer.