Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Dutch School
After 1500
Oil on oak parquet panel
37 x 29 cm

Move over Victoria's Secret models 'cause here comes Cheesecake Squishy and Madonna of the High Boobs.

Virgin and Child with Angels

Virgin and Child with Angels
by Simone Martini (in 1310) and Cenni di Francesco (in 1413)
Fresco
Church of San Lorenzo al Ponte and San Gimignano, San Gimignano, Italy

Well I don't know about you but this Christmas I'm decorating with a wreath of musical angels.

Flight into Egypt

Flight into Egypt
late 12th century
From an English psalter
Illumination on parchment, 261 x 175 mm

Is Mary carrying baby Jesus or is that a blue umbrella with a halo? 

 And, hmmm, are those....yes, those are testicles slung over Joseph's walking stick!

St. Vladimir Mother of God Russian Icon

St. Vladimir Mother of God Russian Icon
Late 18th/early 19th century
Oil on wood board, 11 1/4 x 9 1/2 "

Note: not all Savior heads to scale.

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels

Enthroned Madonna and Child with Two Angels (Detail)
by Meliore di Jacopo
c. 1260-80
Museo di Arte Sacra, Certaldo, Italy

Forehead?  That's more like a fivehead.

Our Lady of the Towers with Infant Christ, between Saints Ambrose and Michele

By Bramantino
1515 - 20
Tempera and oil on panel,  157 x 122 cm
Pinacoteca Ambrosiana, Milan, Italy

Oh you know, just hanging out, reaching for a tiny naked statue while another naked dude and a gigantic frog fall dead at my feet...another day in the life of everyone's favorite savior.

The Madonna and Child in a Glory

The Madonna and Child in a Glory
c. 1475
Detail of a woodcut
The Bodleian Library, University of Oxfor, Oxford, UK




VAGINA DENTATA!

Madonna and Child with Saints Anthony of Padua and Roch

Madonna and Child with Saints Anthony of Padua and Roch
By Titian
1511
Oil on canvas, 92 x 133 cm
Prado Museum, Madrid, Spain

The guy on the right is either:

A: Having a wardrobe malfunction
B: A flasher

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine

Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine
By the school of Lorenzo di Credi
First half of 16th century
Oil on panel, 60 cm diameter
Musee des Beaux Arts, Nimes, France

Whoa, Squishy, lay off the Thanksgiving leftovers--you're ginormous!

 

Anne with the Virgin and Child

Anne with the Virgin and Child
Illumination from the Hours of Catharine of Cleves
Pierpont Morgan Library, New York, USA

Here it is: Anne with Mary on her lap, who in turn has baby Jesus on her lap--your annual Thanksgiving Turducken!!

(I guess those floating leaves with King's heads in the center must be the side dishes).

The Holy Family with St. Elizabeth, the Infant St. John the Baptist and an Angel

The Holy Family with St. Elizabeth, the Infant St. John the Baptist and an Angel
By Studio of Peter Paul Rubens

So, is there a giant pile of cottage cheese in the middle of this painting, or what?

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
From Gondarine Sensul, an illuminated manuscript
Walters Art Museum, Baltimore, USA

Squishy's lower body looks like it's still in the womb, and he's only got his head pushed out so far and one of the Magi is taking him for a magic carpet ride while holding his umbilical cord.  Well anyway, now we know that even a half-born baby Jesus still should have a halo.......

The Child Jesus in a Manger

The Child Jesus in a Manger
1450
Detail of an illumination, tempera on tempera on parchment

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in massive amounts of blue twine and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

Fatherhood

Fatherhood
By Viktor Vasnetsov

SQUISHY:  Time for Papa Jehovah to open a big can of whoop ass on all the sinners out there, heh heh heh!!!

Flight into Egypt

Flight into Egypt

Detail from the Gospels of Georg Alexief

Illumination

Walters Art Museum, Baltimore, Maryland

If you've every wondered where Dr. Seuss learned how to draw trees.....

The Presentation at the Temple

The Presentation at the Temple
1499
Detail from The Gospel of Khizan

Nooooo, do not even think about handing your kid over to a dude with lobster hands!

Madonna with Sleeping Child

Madonna with Sleeping Child
By Paris Bordone
1540 - 1560
Oil on canvas,  27.4 × 32.9"
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

Who needs a diaper when mom's got a basket of toilet paper handy?

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi

15th Century

Detail of a Book of House, Use of Évreux 

Starring Farrah Fawcett as the King of the Fabulous Feathered Hair!

Infant Christ and St. John the Baptist

Infant Christ and St. John the Baptist
By Antonis van Dyck

ST. JOHN: Did you hear the great news!  Illinois is going to legalize gay marriage!  About time!!

SQUISHY:  YAY!  Who's got a kiss for an obese savior with a red cape?

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
By Frans Floris
1554

So...it's a dog bed sized for the Virgin Mary?