Gifts of the Magi

Gifts of the Magi
Detail of a 15th century manuscript

Oh my, those are some alarmingly phallic gifts.

Miraculous Image of Madonna and Child

Miraculous Image of Madonna and Child
1830
Engraving
Rankweil, Vorarlberg, Austria

'Cause when you're wearing Mickey Mouse Club ears and matching his-n-hers pink cones surrounded by flying decapitated baby heads that is indeed a miraculous image.....

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
By Maestro della Croce
First half of the 13th century

Uh oh, looks like Mary and Squishy forgot to get their flu shots and caught that nasty bug that's going around.

Virgin and Child with the Infant John

Virgin and Child with the Infant John
Last quarter of the 16th century
Leaf of a manuscript
British Library

What a kitschy mess!  Did Jeff Koons paint this?

Circumcision

Circumcision
1st quarter of the 14th century
Detail from a North Italian choir book
The British Library

SQUISHY (to Rabbi): Whoa there, now hold on.  Weren't you supposed to do this when I was eight days old not when I'm applying for my driver's license?

The Mother of God of Korsun

Mother of God of Korsun

1800's

No, I don't see any resemblance either.

Nativity

Nativity

From Terce in the Hours of the Virgin

Illuminated Manuscript in the British Library

Squishy's new year's resolution is to practice alternative medicine, but I think he should take it a little bit easy on the accupunture.



Madonna and Christ Child with Infant Saint John the Baptist and Three Angels

Madonna and Christ Child with Infant Saint John the Baptist and Three Angels
From the workshop of  Domenico Ghirlandaio
1485 - 1494
 Tempera on panel, 33.625" diameter
Birmingham Museum of Art, Birmingham, Alabama

Ermahgerd! Look at those cheeks...don'tcha just wanna sqeeeeeeze them!!!

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
By an unknown Polish artist
1500
Tempera and gold on wood, 56.1 × 37.2"
National Museum of Warsaw, Warsaw, Poland

SQUISHY (to King in red): You brought me a gold plated box of Kleenex?  WTF?!?!?!!?

The Virgin and Child

The Virgin and Child
By Francesco Sqarcione
1450
59.5 x 45.7 cm

Do not chew your fingernails Squishy--that's a nasty habit!

The Nativity

The Nativity (detail)
By Master of Spinola Annunciation
early 1300's
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

Merry Christmas everyone....hey, I said MERRY Christmas, not wrap your kid up like a mummy and sit around looking all pissed off.

Madonna Enthroned with the Child

Madonna Enthroned with the Child (detail)
By Czech Master
1343
Oil and tempera on poplar wood
Gemäldegalerie, Berlin

MARY: Hey son, wanna pull my finger?

SQUISHY: Ewwwwwwww!

Nativity

Nativity

1200's - 1300's

Detail from an illuminated manuscript,  Calendarium, Latin Bible selections: Liber Psalmorum, Cantica with prayers; Hymns, etc.

Cologny, Fondation Martin Bodmer

MERMAID BABY JESUS!

Madonna and Child with Saints and Angels

Madonna and Child with Saints and Angels
By Matteo di Giovanni
1480
Uffizi, Florence, Italy

Now that is a forehead of biblical proportions!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By the workshop of Robert Campin
 Second half of 15^th century
Oil on panel, 10.7 × 7.8"
National Museum in Warsaw, Warsaw, Poland

Why is Mary's boob coming out of her neck?  Why is she wearing a dish towel on her head?  I'm so confuzzled!

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
Museo Correr, Venice


Call the police!  There's a naked 50 year old man squeezing a bird to death in the Museo Correr in Venice.  HELP!

Jesus Salvador

Jesus Salvador
By Josefa de Ayala Figueira
1600's

Homegirl gotta thing for see-though gowns.....

Seuse Kneeling Before Mary and Jesus

Seuse Kneeling Before Mary and Jesus
1490
Illustration from an illuminated manuscript, Einsiedeln, Stiftsbibliothek, folio 42, with writings by Heinrich Seuse

Mary's hiding all her nick-knacks inside her throne while a floating Squishy makes a peace sign.  He's got a watering can in his left hand so he can water Friar Seuse's flower halo.

Virgin & Child with St. John the Baptist & St. Francis

Virgin & Child with St. John the Baptist & St. Francis
By Sandro Botticelli
1480-90

Just when I think I've seen the most awkward Virgin and Child post, something like this comes along.  Is Mary hanging Squishy by spiderwebs or what?  And this is no b-side "Master of the Podunk Altarpiece": this a Botticelli!!!!!

Madonna with Child and Two Angels

Madonna with Child and Two Angels
1400's
Unknown painter from Vicenza
Tempera on panel

Squishy is either pregnant or he swallowed a bowling ball....