The Holy Family

The Holy Family
By an unknown Flemish artist
1601
Oil on copper, 18.2 x 16.6 cm

Okay Squishy, put down the grapes and raise your arm up high. There--you're the perfect statue of liberty!

Holy Family with Saints John the Baptist and Catherine of Alexandria

Holy Family with Saints John the Baptist and Catherine of Alexandria By Marco Palmezzano 1521 Tempera and oil on poplar, 23.74 × 36.26 " The Brooklyn Museum, New York Oh, wait, I've got a really good one: a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.....

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child (detail)
By Luca Signorelli
1505
Oil and gold on wood, 20 1/4 x 8 3/4 "
The Jules Bach collection

Hold really still! DON'T MOVE: there's a giant caterpillar on your head and I'm going to flick it off.

Virgin Holding the Christ Child

Virgin Holding the Christ Child Detail of a French Illuminated Manuscript from the collection of the British Library

MARY TO SQUISHY: You better stop looking like such a freak, kid, or I''m gonna throw this bowl of tomatoes right in your face!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
From San Procolo, Parrocchiani chapel, Bologna, Italy

'Sup Mary and Squishy J--lovin' the crowns! (But I'm not lovin' the glimpse of butt crack I'm getting through your transparent wrap, S.J.)

Mary's breast looks less like a body part and more like a button to push for milk.....

Madonna and Child with the Infant St. John

Madonna and Child with the Infant St. John By Andrea del Brescianino
Oil on panel, 69 cm diameter
Private collection

ST. JOHN: Hey look at the message from my fortune cookie it says "You will travel far and wide for both business and pleasure".

SQUISHY: "....in bed".

UNKNOWN DUDE WITH BIZAARE BALD SPOT HOLDING A FEATHER: Heh heh!

Enthroned Madonna

Enthroned Madonna
1050
Detailed of an illuminated manuscript in the Cologne Cathedral Library

Here we have squiggly brow Mary and alleged baby Jesus (yeah, so his hands and feet are bigger than his head...)

This Squishy is totally the kid who spends high school art class making ceramic bongs and takes shop class all four years.

Nativity

Nativity

By Master of the Weildorf Altar

1430 - 35

Salzburg, Austria

Manger....or exhaust hood?

Madonna with Child and Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels By Domenico Ghirlandio Boijamns van Beuningen Museum, Rotterdam, Netherlands

Ahhhh....isn't it bromantic?

The Virgin of Compassion

The Virgin of Compassion
By an unknown Belarusian artist
1760
Egg tempera, silvered metal, engraving, casting, printing and glass on wooden board, 120 x 69 cm
St. Barbara Cathedral, Pinsk, Belarus

What the crunk? You've heard of a tin foil hat? This crazy virgin and child have got the whole tin foil outfit!!!

The Visitation of Virgin Mary to Elizabeth

The Visitation of Virgin Mary to Elizabeth
Detail of a 14th century wall-painting in the Timios Stavros Church in Pelendri, Cyprus

This is a first for the Squishy Jesus Taxonomy: Baby St. Jesus and St. John as fetuses! The little guys may be unborn, but they still have halos.

St. John isn't looking so hot--do you think he's bowing before Squishy or keeling over?

Mary and Elizabeth remind us of just how difficult it is to hug without smashing halos together.

The Gifts of the Magi

The Gifts of the Magi
Detail of a fresco in Clusone, Beragamo, Italy

Screw the gifts of frankincense and myrrh--what this kid needs is Rogaine!

Adoration of the Shepherds

Adoration of the Shepherds
By Agnoli Bronzino
1540

Now who really cares about this painting? What I would actually like to know is can I have the digits of that shirtless shepherd on the lower right? Hottie you can kneel down in front of me any day.

Sleeping Christ Child

Sleeping Christ Child
Detail of a fresco in St. Nikita, Macedonia

Sleeping Christ Child--hello? This baby is bigger than his mom and has a five o'clock shadow.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By an unknown Belarusian artist
1600's
Kalozha Church, Hrodna, Belarus

Jesus Christ Superstar!

The Virgin and Child in a Landscape

The Virgin and Child in a Landscape

By Bernaert van Orly

1515-41

The National Gallery of Art, London

It's a breast. You drink out of it.

It is NOT a flotation device.

Nativity

Nativity
1170 - 1190
Detail of an altarpiece
Frontal d'Avila, Barcelona

RED OX TO SQUISHY: What you up to 'bro?

SQUISHY: Just chillaxin in the crib.

BLUE ASS: You mean manger?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
1250 - 1300
Detail of a tempera painting on wood
From the sanctuary of the Virgin of Rigatell
Barcelona

The matching mother and son eyebrows are EPIC.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Spanish School
1700's
Oil on canvas, 44 x 36"









And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in a gold-encrusted cone, because swaddling clothes are just so b.c.

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi
By Benvenuto di Giovanni
1475
The Smithsonian National Gallery

SQUISHY: You people are supposed to adore me, and most importantly, give me gifts. Stop slobbering all over my foot--it is vile.

KING (in blue tunic to the right): Why is everyone looking at that boring pale baby. Hello people?!? Check me out over here in this stylin' look. Girl, I have a master's degree in fierce.