Madonna of Silence

Madonna of Silence
By Bartolomeo Passerotti
Oil on copper, 38 × 28.2 cm
Private collection, São Paulo, Brazil

Awww! Kewpie-doll-knobby-knees Squishy is all tuckered out.

St. Anne, the Virgin and Child Jesus

St. Anne, the Virgin and Child
By an unknown French artist
Late fifteenth century
Painting on glass. 0.34 m. ; L. : 0.24 m.
The Louvre, Paris, France

Now Jesus, it's okay to play with your little pony stick, but next time, please, put on some pants.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By an unknown artist
33.7 x 25 cm.
Oil on panel
The Bowes Museum, Durham, England

Isn't it usually babies who get the chin squeeze, not the other way around? Dang, Mary has one squishy chin!

Ayala Altarpiece

Ayala Altarpiece (detail)
By an unknown Spanish Artist
1396
Painting on wood
The Art Institute of Chicago, Chicago USA

Black ass to red ox: Any chance we can get that king to give us one of those gumballs too?

Our Lady of Kazan

Our Lady of Kazan
By an unknown Greek artist










Uh, wait a minute. I thought Jesus only lived to be 33?

Virgin and Child Enthroned

Virgin and Child Enthroned
c. 1495
Oil on panel, 50 x 37 cm
Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, Madrid

See, when you're the son of God, you get whatever you want. For example "I want eight naked babies to hold up me and mom on a octogonal piece of plywood."

Done.

Madonna di Concesa

Madonna di Concesa
1641
From the sanctuary of the Divine Maternity in Lombardia, Italy

This is possibly the only known image of Squishy wearing the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Virgin and Child with Saint Jerome and Michael Archangel

Virgin and Child with Saints Jerome and Michael
By Giampietrino
1530s
Oil on panel, 61 x 74 cm
Museum of Fine Arts, Budapest

Male pattern baldness Squishy leans across to Saint Jerome to say "Aha! So that's the rock you beat your chest with in the wilderness. Fascinating!"

A weird ghoul, lower right, makes a terrifying face as he realizes that Mary is wearing an acid washed skirt.

Nativity

Nativity
Pigment on goat parchment
From The Averbode Evangelistary, Folio 17
University Library, Liege, Belgium

See, before they swaddle Jesus, they stretch him out really loooonnnngggg so he fits properly in the manger.

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child

From the Book of Kells, Folio 7v

ca. 800

Trinity College Library, Dublin, Ireland

This picture is said to be the oldest (and possibly the most unflattering) existing image of the Madonna and Child in a Western manuscript. It was created by monks in Ireland.

You may not realize that Barry Gibbs, he of the Bee Gees and the feathered blond hair, was born in Ireland.

Coincidence? I think not.

Madre della Consolazione

Madre della Consolazione
By Nikolaos Tsafouris
1490s
Tempera on canvas and oak, 73 x 55 cm
Private collection

If you get out a magnifying glass you can read the note on Squishy's scroll:

Dear Mommy,
Please feed me.
'Kthanksbye, S.J.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
Detail from a fresco in the church of St. Giacomo in Livo,
Gravedono, Como, Italy

Mom, there's something I need to tell you. You are a great mother and you gave virgin birth to me and all.....but that top is totally unflattering.

Madonna of the Strawberries

Madonna of the Strawberries
By an unknown German master
c. 1420
Tempera on wood
Kunstmuseum, Solothurn

I don't care if it is your birthday, you are so NOT going to wear your hair like that Jesus!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child (detail)
By Neri di Bicci
1456
Altarpiece
St. James Cathedral, Seattle

Uh, is that the midsection of a baby? Or a middle aged man with a six-pack-a-day habit? Is he reaching for a beer he stowed inside Mary's red robe?

The Adoration of the Magi

The Adoration of the Magi (detail)
By Peitro Perugino
Chiesa della Madonna delle Lacrime, Trevi, Italy

Is that a blessing you're making Squishy, or air quotes?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Conrad von Soest
1420
Dortmund, Westphalia, Germany

You know, there are paintings like this that make the grueling efforts of blogging worthwhile. Thanks Conrad von Soest for making my day!

Mary of the Book with Christ the Blessing Child

Mary of the Book with Christ the Blessing Child
By Vincenzo Foppa
1464-1468
Painting on wood, 14.57 × 11.42 in
Musei d'Arte Civic Pinacoteca del Castello Sforzesco, Milan

Who says Squishy can't sport the gladiator look?

The Christ Child and the Infant John the Baptist with a Lamb

The Christ Child and the Infant John the Baptist with a Lamb
By Bernardino Luini
1507 - 1532

Okay listen up Saint John the Baptist, this is important. You adore the sacred lamb. IT'S A METAPHOR.

Things are looking way to literal here. Not to mention icky.

Madonna and Child in the Garden

Madonna and Child in the Garden
By Cosme Tura
about 1460-1470
Tempera on panel, 53.4 x 37.2 cm
National Gallery of Art, Washinton

This painting is all sorts of awkward, and that's a good thing. Little Squishy is tuckered out and having a nap between his mom's knees. And, oh dear, the gold decoration on the top of the frame....it appears to be some elaborate torture devise, pressing down on Mary's metal halo onto her HUGE forehead.

The Virgin and Child with St. Anne

The Virgin and Child with St. Anne
1510-1530,
Stained Glass
Wilhelm-Hack Museum, Ludwigshafen, Germany

Here granny, I picked a carnation for you.
Awww, what a thoughful little boy. And those cheeks--I could just eat them up. Mwah! Mwah!