Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Jacopo di Cione
1300's
Palais Rosemberg, Prague

Mary tickles Squishy with her extremely long finger to distract him from the discomfort of his first case of constipation.

Nativity

Nativity
By Hans Baldung
1516
Alterpiece
Cathedral of Frieburg, Germany

Mary and a crowd of obese cherubim gather around to see the first prototype of a light up Christmas ornament.

Don't miss the ox coming out of the shadows in the upper left!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Franceso Benaglio
late 1460s
Tempera on fabric transferred from panel, 80.7 x 56.2 cm
Washington, National Gallery of Art

Oh noes Mommy--there are giant caterpillars in the sky!

Madonna del Latte

Madonna del Latte
S. Maria Annunciata, Varese, Italy

Uh, Jesus, you're getting a little old for that.

Holy Family with Five Angels

Holy Family with Five Angels
By Hans Baldung Grien
c. 1507
Painting on wood, 73.1 x 55.8 cm
Heinz Kisters Collection, Kreuzlingen, Switzerland

What's your problem--you've never seen angels with afros before?

Virgin and Child with the Infant St. John the Baptist

Virgin and Child with the Infant St. John the Baptist
By Francesco Francia
(1510)Between 1510 and 1515
Oil on panel, 25.59 × 20.08 in
São Paulo Museum of Art, São Paulo, Brazil

Saint John the Baptist assists Squishy as he works on his pole vaulting routine in preparation for the 2016 Olympics in Rio.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Follower of Giotto
First quarter 14th century
Tempera on wood, gold ground,
24 1/4 x 16 1/2 in
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

Aww, mom--why the long face?

The Translation of the Holy House of Loreto

The Translation of the Holy House of Loreto
By Saturnino Gatti
ca. 1510
Tempera and gold on wood, 33 1/4 x 21 5/8 in.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

See, here's what happened: Ronald McDonald and The Virgin Mary had a baby named Squishy McDonald. They got their son a toy church to play with. After a while Squishy McJ got bored with the church so his parents hired some angels to hold the church up in the air so he could feel like he's flying.

In the background you can also see Squishy McJ's model boat.

Madonna and Child on a Grass Bench

Madonna and Child on a Grass Bench
By Master of the Tiburtine Sibyl
ca. 1470
Oil on panel, 41.2 × 29.6 cm
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

Poor Squishy! Mary and Joseph refuse to buy him a kite, so he's forced to tie a birdie on a string instead.

Madonna and Child with St. John the Baptist

Madonna and Child with St. John the Baptist
By Piero di Cosimo
c. 1500
Oil on wood, diameter 93 cm
Musée des Beaux-Arts, Strasbourg

More Squishy and SJTB love, Sumo wrestling style.

Joseph and Jesus

Joseph and Jesus
By an unknown artist
Cusco, Peru
1700's







Rare indeed: a portrait of the metrosexual father and son.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By an anonymous painter of the Lucchese School
c. 1200
Tempera and gold on wood panel
El Paso Museum of Art, USA

Dear anonymous painter of the Lucchese School,

I was wondering why people look so grim in 1200. Was it the poor dental care? Also, were there babies around then?

Thank you and best wishes,

Matti

The Virgin and Child with Angels

The Virgin and Child with Angels
by an artist of the Ferrarese School
15th Century
Tempera, oil and gold on panel, 58.50 x 44.00 cm
National Gallery of Scotland, Edinburgh

Holy moly (pun intended), this is an awesome painting! I'm loving the ye olde rusticy trompe-l'œil frame. And the angels wings--they seem less like something useful for actual flying and more like a cheap decorative accessory. Is there a Claire's Boutique for angels? Squishy is looking quite pale and sleepy. He has to hold on to his ma's belt for support.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
By Rogier van der Weyden
c.1460
Oil on panel
The Henry E. Huntington Art Gallery, San Marino, CA, USA

Careful, Squishy, your diaper's slipping!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By Sano di Pietro
1447-49
Museum of Fine Arts, Boston

Mother and son hangover.

Bummer.

The Nativity

The Nativity (detail)
by Guido da Siena
13th Century
Louvre Museum, Paris

Here's a charming nativity scene: a lady in blue lowers Mr. Squishy by his subliminal area into a giant cup. Another lady, dressed in aqua, holds a picture with dubious perspective as if she's about to dump water on Mr. S. Joseph, aka Huge Halo, is distracted and maybe a little bit grumpy that he's fathered a child with such bulgy eyes.

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
by Joos van Cleve
1485

I loves me some mom and I loves me some mixed fruit.

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
by Sebastian from Lima
1517
Fresco
Church of San Giacomo, Livo

Boob from collarbone. Nice.

The Holy Family with the Infant St. John the Baptist

The Holy Family with the Infant St. John the Baptist

By a follower of Raffaello Sanzio

Oil on panel, 19.68 x 27.56 "

Private collection, São Paulo, Brazil

Saint John the Baptist: I love you Jesus--you look so nice in transparent lingerie!

Squishy Jesus: And I love you--you look fantastic in fur!

St. John: Someday, can I baptize you?

Squishy: Yes, and then we can get married and always always wear our matching halos!

Madonna The Belozerskaya

Madonna The Belozerskaya
By a painter from Belozersk
First half of 13th Century
Tempera on wood, 155 x 106 cm
Russian Museum, Saint Petersburg

See, there was a shortage of babies in Russia during the first half of the 13th century in Russia. Also, at that time men had smaller heads due to a vodka shortage or something. So basically, the painter here had to work with a old, balding, pin-headed man as his Jesus model. Got it?