The Altarpiece of St. Anne

The Altarpiece of St. Anne (detail) with the Virgin and St. Amador
From Church of San Miguel de Cardona. Cardona, Bages

Squishy is like a little lady in his pretty robe, holding a rose and a sideways book. St. Armador is apparently a goth. But the coolest thing about this painting is the eagle--have you ever seen an eagle with a halo before?

St. Dominic with Dominican Saints

St. Dominic with Dominican Saints

1280
From the monastary of Dominican nuns in Estaveyer le Lac, Switzerland

Whoa there! A tree of monks and nuns growing out of St Dominic's, um, wood. Mary and Squishy (does he have a mullet?) are floating in an orange ball on top.

Madonna with Child

Madonna with Child
By Sano di Pietro
1450

See Mary: this is what happens when you drink while pregnant.....

Madonna and Child with Angels

Madonna and Child with Angels
By Guidoccio Cozzarelli
Tempera on panel, 75 x 54 cm

Nice try Guidoccio Cozzarelli, but no funky picture frame is going to distract us from Squishy's bizarrely proportioned mid-section, his baby boner (!), or his giant forehead.

Madonna of Humility

Madonna of Humility
By Master of Giovanelli Madonna
Tempera on panel, 75.5 x 54.2 cm
Museo Provinciale, Lecce, Italy

SQUISHY: I love you and your little peach boobie Mommy!

MARY: And I love you son, you and your four biceps.

Madonna and Child with Martha, John and a Nun

Madonna and Child with Martha, John and a Nun
By Bernardino Luini
1518
Detail of a fresco, Pinacoteca di Brera, Milan, Italy

SQUISHY: Trying the old pass-the-saviour-a-gold-cup-with-a-hidden-snake-inside trick? Not going to fool me buddy!

Central Panel of Arona Polyptich

Central Panel of Arona Polyptich
By Gaudenzio Ferrari
Novara, Italy

Is Squishy sneaking a cigarette?

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
After Raffaello Sanzio
1526
Oil on panel, 22 × 14.6"
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

SQUISHY: Got to be a boob in here somewhere.....

MARY: I'm so good looking but my son has electric hair and weird wrinkles above his junk. What's up with that?

Maria with Child, John the Baptist and Saint Clare

Maria with Child, John the Baptist and Saint Clare
By an Anonymous artist from Siena
1520
Oil on panel, 24.4" diameter
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

Too sweet: a little gay Bach and Mozart! Baby composers FTW!!

Nativity

Nativity
By the Master of the Predella
1380-85
Ashmolean Museum, Oxford, England

Notice how everyone but Squishy looks super pissed off in this painting (especially the ass). No doubt they are angry about the dubious perspective used by the artist. Not Squishy though: he's snug as a bug under his red blankie.

Madonna and Child with Saints

Madonna and Child with Saints
By Fra Bartolomeo
Museuo Bandini, Fiesole, Italy

Peace out peeps!

The Adoration of the Child

The Adoration of the Child
By Lorenzo Lotto
1508
Tempera on panel, 15.7 x 11.4"
National museum, Krakow, Poland

What up with this painting? Clearly monk dude is thinking "Mary, could you possibly put Squishy in a more comfortable position?" St. John has bulging biceps and thunder thighs. And who the heck is weird troll man behind Mary supposed to be?

Virgin and Child with Four Angels and Two Cherubim

Virgin and Child with Four Angels and Two Cherubim
By Francesco Botticini
1470-75
Norton Simon Museum, Pasadena, California

Man, these team building exercises are everywhere: even the baby Jesus and Angels have to do trust falls.