The Holy Family

The Holy Family
by Bernaert van Orley
1520s
Oil on panel, 18 x 13 1/4 in.
The J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles

Apparently squishy Jesus was big on propping himself up with his mom's breast.

Madonna and Blessing Child

Madonna and Blessing Child
1505-10
Tempera on canvas, 85 x 68 cm
National Gallery of Art, Washington

Now listen up Jesus, if you don't stop squirming and pay attention to what I'm reading to you, I'll turn you into a floating baby head just like I did your brothers!

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
by Jan Gossaert
c. 1532
Oil on panel
The National Gallery of Art, Washington, DC,

Um, awkward?!

I mean is Mary teaching Jesus to dance by dangling a biscuit in front of his face while he straddles a scroll on the arm of the chair? WTF???

Madonna and Child

Madonna and Child
by Deodato Orlandi
Panel
Musée du Louvre, Paris
1300's

In honor of the many graduates today: squishy Jesus offers you a diploma and peace.

Madonna of Humility

Madonna of Humility
Guariento di Arpo
about 1345 - 1350
Tempera and gold on panel, 13 x 6 3/4 in
The J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles

Now this is different: Mary's breast is an extension of her smiley-face sun brooch.......

The Virgin and Child

The Virgin and Child

by Mabuse

Approx. 1527

Oil on panel

National Gallery, London

What exactly is squishy Jesus trying to catch?

Leave your best guess in the comment box.

The Virgin and Child in Majesty

The Virgin and Child in Majesty
by The Master of Pedret
c. 1100
Fresco
Church of Saint Joan at Tredos, Lleida, Spain

Matching mother and son double chins--so sweet for Mother's Day!

Madonna and Child with Two Donors

Madonna and Child with Two Donors
by Lorenzo Lotto
c. 1525 - 30
Oil on canvas
J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles

Now Mary, this is not the first time I've had to warn you about that hand.

Adoration of the Magi

Adoration of the Magi
by Master Francke
1424
Panel
Kunsthalle, Hamburg

See, when you are the son of God, not only do guys with crowns and split goatees bring you gifts, but you and your mom get ginormous halos so everybody can tell you are holy.

Oh, and you can get a red sky if you want, too.

The Rest on the Flight into Egypt

The Rest on the Flight into Egypt
by Maerten van Heemskerck
c. 1530
Overall: 57.7 x 74.7 cm
National Gallery of Art London

My goodness, Maerten van Heemskerck, homoerotic much? At first glance I thought this was a Paul Cadmus. I'm assuming the naked-butt guy in the background is Joseph.....

Annunciation

Annunciation
by Jakob Mertens
c. 1660
Oil on canvas
St. Mary Church (Kosciól Mariacki), Cracow

Never, never in all my squishy Jesus viewing, have I ever seen a depiction of God's birth canal.

Check it out: God's on top holding a cross while baby Jesus squeezes out between two thigh-clouds. Below that Jesus, who's now holding a cross, air swims his way towards Mary. Mary receives news from angel Gabriel that she's been knocked up by God.

The Nativity

The Nativity
by Bernardo Daddi
c. 1340-80
Tempera on poplar panel, 14.1 x 12.1 cm
Wallace Collection, London

A angel ducks under the upper right of the thatched roof in this painting, desperate to rescue Jesus from living the rest of his life as a golf tee.