Jesus with Flowers

Jesus with Flowers
By Carlo Dolci
1663
Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, Madrid, Spain 

This Valentines Day, why not class it up and send your flowers special delivery from a cute little boy-Jesus?
 

Joseph with Baby Jesus

Joseph with Baby Jesus
By Joseph Mangold
19^th century
Painting on glass

Go home Joseph Mangold, you're drunk.

Our Lady of Vladimir

Our Lady of Vladimir
1680's
Tempera, silver, sapphire, ruby, turquoise, pearls on wood.  Engraving and black and gold plating on glass.
33.9 x 28.5 x 2.5 cm
Novodevichy Convent, Moscow, Russia

Gramma Annie knitted a little cardigan for Squishy and a matching headscarf for Mary--too cute!

Angel Teaching Baby Jesus

Angel Teaching Baby Jesus
1480-90
Painting on linden wood
National Museum, Munich, Germany

One singular sensation, every little step he takes.
One thrilling combination, every move that he makes.

Madonna

Madonna
By Max Frey
Print














In which the Madonna and Child are completely upstaged by background scenery.

The Adoration of the Shepherds

The Adoration of the Shepherds

By Pedro Garcia Benavarri and Jaume Ferrer II

1450

Altarpiece

ASS: Dude, why are all those people staring at that naked baby?

OX: I know, like isn't it just so much more interesting that one of my horns is coming out my forehead and my ear is stuck on sideways?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Circumcision of Christ

Circumcision of Christ
By Thomas von Villach
Detail of a fresco in Saint George church Gerlamoos, Carinthia, Austria

Did you know that whenever the foreskin of a holy infant is chopped off his halo temporarily turns black?

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
Painting on glass

And so it came to pass that Jesus and Joseph put their hair in hot rollers and Joseph donned his red rain boots and God sent a holy chicken on high to show that this was good.

The Holy Family

The Holy Family
By Gerard Seghers
17th Century

Textbook case of male pattern baldness.

Blessing Christ

Blessing Christ
1486
Illuminated page from the Waldburg-prayer book

I'm thinking that back in 1486, when the owner of the Waldburg-prayer book got to this page, he or she broke out into uncontrollable giggles and got kicked out of church.

Infant Christ Asleep

Infant Christ Asleep

By Bartolomé Estéban Murillo

17th century

Oil on canvas, 24.76" x 32.64"

 

The "ate too much pumpkin pie" post-Thanksgiving Squishy.

St. Christopher

St. Christopher
By Bernardo Strozzi
1600's
Oratorio of Saints Sebastian and Rocco, Campo Ligure, Italy

Remember that one time you thought you were in bible story, but only later realized you were in a circus act?

The Virgin Mary and the Infant Christ Wrapped in Swaddling

 

The Virgin Mary and the Infant Christ Wrapped in Swaddling

By Filippo de Grado

Etching, 9 x 12.5 cm

 

The family that swaddles together, stays together.

The Virgin wih Musician Angels

The Virgin wih Musician Angels
By Abdón Castaneda
c. 1610
Oil on linen
Museo de Bellas Artes de Valencia, Valencia, Spain

Hot dayem!, Squishy and his putti friends are ripped.  What kind lifting routine did they put toddlers on back in 1610?

The Trinities of Earth and Sky

The Trinities of Earth and Sky
By Andrés López
Oil on copper
13.07 x 14.17"
National Museum of Art, Mexico City, Mexico

Baby Jesus is holding a picture of adult Jesus surrounded by three other man-sized Jesus'--this painting is so postmodern.  Rosalind Krauss probably wrote an article about it.

Blessing Child

Blessing Child
Detail of a fresco in apse of the Church of St. Lorenzo, Casteldilago, Italy

A rare shot from the really early days of the Mickey Mouse Club.

Infant Christ

Infant Christ
By an unknown Polish artist
c. 1480
Tempera and gold on panel
National Museum in Warsaw, Poland

Okay, so this is a pretty fascinating depiction of a medieval baby walker, but no one's going to convince me that the rubbery worm-person pushing it is baby Jesus, or any sort of human baby at all.....

Infant Christ Slaying the Dragon

Infant Christ Slaying the Dragon
16th century
Detail of Codex Vindobonensis Palatinu
Illumination

Squishy Jesus the Dragon Slayer: my new favorite sitcom!

Virgin and Child

Virgin and Child
By an unknown Russian artist
Late 17th - early 18th century
Tempera, silver and cloth on wood
32 х 2.5 х 4.3 cm
The Novodevichy Convent, Moscow, Russia

Leave it to the ever-chic Virgin Mary to wear a bottle opener as a bonnet.

The Infant Christ on the Orb of the World

The Infant Christ on the Orb of the World
By Joos van Cleve
1530
14.6 × 10.2"
Thyssen-Bornemisza Museum, Madrid, Spain

So yeah people, I can hold a contrapposto stance while balancing on a glass bowl because I'm not just the baby Jesus, I'm the mother-flippen savior of art history.