The Squishy Jesus Taxonomy

Madonna and Child

2012-01-28T15:41:00.002-06:00

Madonna and Child
By Bernardino da Asola
Oil on panel, 30.5 x 40.5"
The National Gallery, London

Paging Michelle Obama: hurry! This chubster needs an intervention.

Madonna and Child

2012-01-26T12:16:00.002-06:00

Madonna and Child
By Cecco di Pietro
1372
Staten Museum for Kunst, Copenhagen

I can has carrot and birdie?

The Holy Family

2012-01-25T13:15:00.004-06:00

The Holy Family
By Štefan Šubic

1846
Oil on canvas, 22.4 × 18.1"
Loka Museum, Škofja Loka, Slovenia

Oh Squishy: love the new tattoo!

Virgin and Child with the Young St. John the Baptist

2012-01-22T16:40:00.002-06:00

Virgin and Child with St. John the Baptist

By Francesco Bottini

1470-80

Tempera on Panel, 26.4 x 18.6 "

The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, Boston

OKAY YOU TWO, BREAK IT UP!

Adoration by the Shepherds

2012-01-20T13:20:00.002-06:00

Adoration by the Shepherds
By Gerard van Honthorst
2nd quarter of 17th century
Musée des Beaux-Arts, Nantes, France

Hot damn! This savior needs to come with sunglasses!!!

Holy Family with John the Baptist

2012-01-18T13:20:00.002-06:00

Holy Family with John the Baptist
From the circle of Jacopo Amigoni
1700's
Oil on canvas, 93 x 72 cm

Ignore the whole foot sniffing business for a sec and look at how freaky Mary and John's eyes are......

Madonna and Child

2012-01-15T16:21:00.002-06:00

Madonna and Child
early 1500's
Fragment of a fresco from Pieve di San Pietro, Volpedo, Italy

ACTION SHOT: Squishy is jumping right out of Mary's va jay jay!

Adoration of the Magi

2012-01-13T12:49:00.003-06:00

Adoration of the Magi
By the Master of Sigmaringen
early 1500's
Oil on cradled wood, 68 x 46.5 cm

SQUISHY (to Magi): WTF! These boxes are full of incense and shit!!!! I told you douche canoes I wanted an Xbox!

St. Christopher Carrying the Infant Christ

2012-01-12T12:42:00.002-06:00

St. Christopher Carrying the Infant Christ
By Jan Wellens de Cock
Between 1495 and 1528
Oil on oak panel, 14.1 × 18.1"
Private Collection

I'll tell you I'm posting this because of the weird giant glass marble thingy Squishy is hitching a ride on atop of on St. Christopher and because of the tree-house (!!?!?!?!). But really I'm posting it because the name of the artist is so f-ing awesome.

The Virgin and Child Meeting St. Anthony

2012-01-11T13:11:00.002-06:00

The Virgin and Child Meeting St. Anthony
By Manuel da Costa Ataíde
1810
Painting on wood in the Church of St. Anthony, Tiradentes, Brazil

In which Squishy meets St. Anthony and there's plenty of gayface to go around.....

Madonna Adoring the Child with St. John and Angels

2012-01-07T14:00:00.002-06:00

Madonna Adoring the Child with St. John and Angels
By Francesco Botticini
1485
123 cm diameter
Palazzo Pitti, Florence, Italy

How do they adore him? By sprinkling rose petals on his crotch.....

Madonna with Christ Child and Saints

2012-01-06T12:17:00.001-06:00

Madonna with Christ Child and Saints
By Andrea Mantegna
1497
Tempera on canvas, 113 × 84.3"
Musei d'Arte e Pinacoteca del Castello Sforzesco, Milan, Italy

Baby head Barcalounger, stat.

Our Lady of Good Counsel

2012-01-04T12:55:00.003-06:00

Our Lady of Good Counsel
Gege workshop
mid 1800's

Or alternately titled: Our Lady and Son of Sour Lemons.

Virgin and Child

2011-12-31T11:20:00.006-06:00

Virgin and Child
From the Royal Museum of Fine Arts, Brussels

New Year's Resolutions:

1) Master the art of sideways breastfeeding
2) Learn sign language
3) Do both simultaneously.

The Nativity

2011-12-29T12:50:00.003-06:00

The Nativity
By the studio of Lucas Cranach the Elder
Oil on panel, 29 x 48 cm
The National Trust Collection

The little putto in the front is getting ready to try out to be a Victoria Secret angel, transparent lingerie and all....

The Madonna of Humility

2011-12-25T06:42:00.002-06:00

The Madonna of Humility
By Niccolo Semitecolo
1370
Tempera on panel
The Basilica of St. Anthony, Padua, Italy

MARY: So I says to the kid "What do ya want for your birthday" and he says "I wanna drink milk from a boob coming out of your belly button". And who am I to deny him?

Holy Family

2011-12-22T11:30:00.006-06:00

Holy Family
By Cesare Dandini
1640's
Oil on canvas, 58.3 x 43.7 "
Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg, Russia

Uh oh--looks like I'm not the only one who's been eating too many Christmas cookies....

Madonna of the Milk

2011-12-21T14:28:00.002-06:00

Madonna of the Milk
By an unknown painter from Abruzzo with Byzantine influence
1250-1300

Holy water-balloon tit Batman!

The Adoration of the Christ Child

2011-12-18T09:23:00.002-06:00

The Adoration of the Christ Child
By a follower of Jan van Kalkar
1515

MARY: He's beautiful! And he's come to save mankind from sin!

ANGELS: Even better, he doubles as a space heater!!!

The Madonna and Child with Female Martyr in a Landscape

2011-12-15T13:58:00.002-06:00

The Madonna and Child with Female Martyr in a Landscape
By Giovan Battista Benvenuti
Oil on panel, 17.5 x 14.8 "

Damn this Pilates is a bitch!

Image of Christ

2011-12-14T12:54:00.001-06:00

Image of Christ
By Fra Anselm Turmeda
1822
From a book printed in Barcelona called la Oració de Sant Roch

Oh hey, Squishy needs a training bra!

Madonna and Child

2011-12-09T11:21:00.001-06:00

Madonna and Child
1410
Tapestry in the Museum of Applied Arts, Frankfurt, Germany

Alternate title: Millipede Madonna and Child.

Madonna Incaldana

2011-12-08T13:11:00.002-06:00

Madonna Incaldana
By Giuseppe Papa

Questions:

1) Where is that boob coming from?
2) How do Mary and Jesus keep those crowns from slipping off their heads?

The Fountain of Life

2011-12-07T13:03:00.002-06:00

The Fountain of Life
By Father Victor
c. 1650-1700
Icon from the Church of the Blessed Virgin in Corfu, Greece

Spitting fountain crib for the win!

Virgin and Child

2011-12-04T10:49:00.003-06:00

Virgin and Child
By Cristoforo di Giovanni da San Severino
1450-1500
Detail of a fresco in the Church of Pantanelle,San Severino Marche, Italy

QUICK: someone get this couple a laxative!

Virgin and Child

2011-11-30T13:04:00.000-06:00

Virgin and Child
1300's
Detail of a fresco in St. Demetrius Church, Markova Sušica, Macedonia

I'm not going to fall for the old distract the viewer with a funky halo so she doesn't notice Jesus has no lower body trick this time......

Adoration of the Magi

2011-11-28T11:03:00.000-06:00

Adoration of the Magi
By Master of Jacques de Besanco
1480-90
Detail of an illuminated book of hours
Private collection

DOUBLE kissy foot! From a king in a gray mullet!!

St. Gertrude the Great

2011-11-26T14:01:00.000-06:00

St. Gertrude the Great

St. Gertie is either wearing a talking Squishy Jesus brooch or (squint a little) a misplaced vagina.

The Virgin and Child with St. Anne

2011-11-24T07:54:00.002-06:00

The Virgin and Child with St. Anne
By Gerolamo dai Libri
The National London Gallery

Squishy is standing on Mary who in turn is sitting on St. Anne's lap: it's a virgin birth turduckden.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nativity

2011-11-23T14:05:00.000-06:00

Nativity

Illuminated Manuscript from the British Library

The ox and ass are all like "What up Squishy? You levitating or somethin'"?

Maria Lactans

2011-11-18T14:03:00.002-06:00

Maria Lactans
From the workshop of the Master of the Mountain in the Clouds
1470's

Awww, Squishy is such an old geezer here. Not the mean "get off my lawn" kind but the type of sweet old guy that talks your ear off while your waiting for the bus.

Child Jesus Lying on the Cross

2011-11-16T13:38:00.002-06:00

Child Jesus Lying on the Cross
c. 1800
Detail of a painting on glass

Soooo, you know, you're thinking of making a religious painting on glass and what comes to mind? A cheesecake boy Jesus reclining on a cross in red hot pants, of course!

Circumcision of Christ

2011-11-13T14:18:00.003-06:00

Circumcision of Christ
By Bartolomeo Veneto

SQUISHY (to Rabbi Big Beard): Look, I'm letting you cut off my foreskin--the least you can do in return is loan me that fancy headband.

St. Rose of Lima

2011-11-11T13:25:00.002-06:00

St. Rose of Lima
Painting detail

Squishy Jesus bouquet! Can I order that at fdt.com?

Nativity

2011-11-09T14:06:00.001-06:00

Nativity
By Martin Schongauer
1475-80
Gemäldegalerie, Berlin

LOL! Joseph is twiddling his thumbs!

The Circumcision of Christ

2011-11-05T12:02:00.002-05:00

The Circumcision of Christ
Detail of a fresco in the Preobrazhenski monastry, Bulgaria

Squishy is all "Oh know you don't!" when he sees the size of the knife coming at him. He's not going to be distracted by the rabbi's fancy floral getup.

Adoration of the Magi

2011-11-03T16:08:00.003-05:00

Adoration of the Magi
Detail from the Codex of Roda
Real Academia de laHistorica, Spain

Oh yes this is too awesome! Mary has this triple bicep thing going on. Jesus has two biceps on his arm with the cross and he's sort of floating behind Mary. And that throne is cool as h-e-double hockey stick!

Flight to Egypt

2011-10-31T07:11:00.002-05:00

Flight to Egypt
By Francoise Brinnon
Detail from a book of hours

For your Halloween pleasure: you've heard of Frankenstein and the bride of Frankenstein? Well here's their baby--Frankensquishy!

The Visitation

2011-10-29T12:06:00.003-05:00

The Visitation
1410
Detail of a tapestry in the Museum of Fine Arts, Frankfurt, Germany

Squishy and St. John the Baptist are meeting each other as fetuses! Squishy's waving hi while John's praying on his knees. I wonder if it's hard to keep their halos on while swimming in all that amniotic fluid?

Adoration of the Magi

2011-10-26T12:54:00.002-05:00

Adoration of the Magi
By Jean de Montluçon
1500
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

This needs a new title: The Adoration of the Whatevs' Magi. Check out their expressions--they are like "I'm so over this". Especially the dude second from the right holding the trophy, he's rolling his eyeballs and saying "OMG this is lame" to the guy next to him.

Circumcision of Our Lord

2011-10-22T13:53:00.003-05:00

Circumcision of Our Lord
1321
From the Pasional Abatyse Kunhuty

PUT DOWN THE KNIFE! That thing's too big for a foreskin--it's gonna cut off the whole enchilada!

St. Anne with the Virgin and Child

2011-10-20T13:08:00.002-05:00

St. Anne with the Virgin and Child
1519
Manuscript of vellum
Burke Library, Fairfax County, Virginia

Squishy's on Mary's lap, Mary's on Grandma Anne's lap. People, what we have here is a virgin birth sandwich.

The Gifts of the Magi

2011-10-18T18:10:00.004-05:00

The Gifts of the Magi

11th century

From the Codex Vyssgradensis manuscript

Forget frankincense and myrrh--did the Magi bring Jesus that sweet chandelier?

Madonna and Child with Angels

2011-10-16T12:57:00.002-05:00

Madonna and Child with Angels
By Benedetto Bonfigli
1450
Galleria Nazionalle, Perugia, Italy

Ladies and Gentlemen! Come one, come all, see the amazing levitating Squishy Jesus!

The Virgin Mary and Child

2011-10-15T10:07:00.003-05:00

The Virgin Mary and Child
c. 1200
Detail of a fresco in Notre Dame, Montmorillon, France

MARY--stop using Squishy's hand as a Kleenex!

The Nativity of Our Lord Christ

2011-10-12T12:43:00.003-05:00

The Nativity of Our Lord Christ
By Jacopo Torriti
1296
Detail of a mosaic in Santa Maria Maggiore, Rome

Joseph's expression pretty much sums this up: perspective WTF? Yes, this mosaic is another product of the School of Dubious Perspective. The manger is a Tesla puzzle. The ox and ass have no lower bodies, but are nonetheless eager to smell the tied up baby in the manager.

Adoration of the Kings

2011-10-08T12:56:00.006-05:00

Adoration of the Kings
By Herri Met de Bles
Mimara Museum, Zagrev, Croatia

SQUISHY: There's nothing in this box but incense and spices. Damn it! I wanted candy!!

KING (upper left): How dare you mouth off to us! [Smacks Squishy with his hat].

Virgin and Child

2011-10-07T12:44:00.003-05:00

Virgin and Child
By the Mater of Guillaume Lambert
1460
Illumination, 65 x 95 mm

Well, I'm not sure about Mary, but Squishy sure is, um, looking happy to see you!

Madonna and Child with Six Angels

2011-10-06T13:45:00.003-05:00

Madonna and Child with Six Angels
By Master of Pratovecchio
1440's

Oh yes people: it's a cheerleader pyramid made of angels!

The Holy Family with Shepherds

2011-10-02T13:55:00.002-05:00

The Holy Family with Shepherds
By Jacob Jordaens
1616
Oil on canvas, transferred from wood, 42 x 30 "

Ah, there's nothing so cozy on a chilly night than gathering around a warm toasty breast!

Squishy: you have super-muscular thighs and yet your belly is fatso. Could you try to be more consistent?

Adoration of the Magi

2011-09-30T20:01:00.002-05:00

Adoration of the Magi
705-07
Detail of a mosaic in the Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome

Well I hate to say it, but I think Mary's stepping out on Joseph because Squishy looks an awful lot like that king with the blue halo....

Virgin and Child

2011-09-28T12:58:00.002-05:00

Virgin and Child

Fancy knees? Check.
Enormous hands? Check.
Chair made of hyenas? Double check.

Virgin Hodegetria

2011-09-25T12:51:00.003-05:00

Virgin Hodegetria
Glass and ceramic tesserae on panel
Late 12th, early 13th century
The holy monastery of St. Catherine, Mt. Sinai, Egypt

Well I can tell by the circles under your eyes that somebody threw back a few too many last night....

Icon of the Theotokos

2011-09-23T13:21:00.002-05:00

Icon of the Theotokos
6th Century
Santa Maria la Nova, Naples, Italy

Yeah, so Mary is sadly lacking the upper part of her head. This does not stop this from being a FANTASTIC painting. Seriously, why couldn't I have painted this?

Virgin Mary with the Ink Pot

2011-09-22T12:08:00.003-05:00

Virgin Mary with the Ink Pot
By the Mittelrheinisher Master
1430
Berlin Gemäldegalerie, Germany

Mary has grabbed the ink pot away from the artist of this work, to protest that he made them look so homely.

Aww, Squishy's wearing friendship bracelets!

The Fouquet Missal

2011-09-17T11:50:00.004-05:00

The Fouquet Missal
1470-75
Detail of an illuminated manuscript
In the collection of Yale University, USA

The guys with fancy hats are back, and this time they're giving Squishy a Pilates lesson.

The Holy Kinship

2011-09-14T13:02:00.004-05:00

The Holy Kinship
By Jan Baegert
1530

Listen up men standing in the back: maybe if you spent more money on birth control than on fancy hats you might get this population explosion under control.

Check out Squishy's cousin playing patty-cake in front of the basket of cherries--little guy has a bizarre body!

Mary and St. Anthony Abbot

2011-09-09T16:20:00.003-05:00

Mary and St. Anthony Abbot
Mid 1400's
Fragment of a fresco from the Church of San Salvatore, Brescia, Italy

Look at St. Anthony's sly expression, he's thinking, hmmmm, If I ring this bell maybe I can get me some of that too......

The Presentation of Jesus in the Temple

2011-09-07T13:09:00.003-05:00

The Presentation of Jesus in the Temple
From the Albani Psalter
1130
Illuminated Manuscript

MARY (to Rabbi Big Beard): Here, I'm presenting my son.

RABBI BIG BEARD: Why does the bridge of your nose start at your hairline?

SQUISHY: Peace out Rabbi Big Beard!

LADIES ON LEFT AND RIGHT: We're holding pigeons and we have no idea why!

Crowned Virgin and Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine of Alexander

2011-09-04T13:13:00.002-05:00

Crowned Virgin and Mystic Marriage of St. Catherine of Alexander
By Matteo da Campli
First half of 15th century

Note to viewers: St. Catherine not to scale.

Holy Family with St. John

2011-09-03T12:38:00.007-05:00

Holy Family with St. John
by Bartolomeo Schedoni
1610
23 x 21 cm
Ashmolean Museum, Oxford, UK

Let's read it together......Go the F**k to Sleep !

Nativity

2011-09-02T13:02:00.002-05:00

Nativity
By William Blake
1790-80
Tempera on copper, 27.3 x 38.2 cm Philadelphia Museum of Art, Philadelphia, USA

William Blake: I love your poetry man, really love it. But were you possibly under the influence of some old-timey hallucinogenics when you painted this?

The Miracle of Lactation

2011-08-31T14:06:00.003-05:00

The Miracle of Lactation
1480
Print, Metalcut, coloured by hand, mended with fragments drawn in pen and ink and pigments.
The Victoria and Albert Museum, London, UK

It is indeed a miracle of lactation. Squishy's looking p.o.'d as Mary bypasses him and squirts milk from her shoulder straight at the praying dude.

Virgin and Child Adored by Six Angels

2011-08-28T13:02:00.002-05:00

Virgin and Child Adored by Six Angels
By Sassetta

SQUISHY (to angel musicians): Hey, could you guys play some Jay-Z?

St. Anne, Mary and Jesus

2011-08-24T16:19:00.003-05:00

St. Anne, Mary and Jesus
Detail of a stained glass window, Hingham, St. Andrew Church, UK

Seriously? What was the deal with medieval artists and the gigantic Grandma Anne with tiny Mary and Jesus on her lap? Just 'cause she's Grandma, doesn't mean she's got to be a giant. Jeez!

Virgin Tricherusa

2011-08-18T14:15:00.003-05:00

Virgin Tricherusa
Betewwn 8th and 14th century
Icon from Hilander monastary

Super-bling Mary's got three hands!

Nativity

2011-08-17T14:22:00.003-05:00

Nativity

By an unknown Ottonian artist

1025-1050

Tempera and gold leaf on parchment

The Getty Museum, Los Angeles, USA

This is sorta the Miami Beach of nativities......

St. Cecilia

2011-08-14T15:30:00.003-05:00

St. Cecilia
By Domenichino
1617-18
Oil on canvas
Louvre, Paris

Yeah, so I admit I don't know so much about St. Cecilia but I can tell you she used baby Jesus as a music stand!!!

Virgin and Child with Musical Angels

2011-08-13T14:09:00.002-05:00

Virgin and Child with Musical Angels
By Gianfrancesco da Tolmezzo

Whoa--nice lipstick Squishy! Is it MAC?

Madonna and Child

2011-08-12T11:13:00.001-05:00

Madonna and Child

Okay people, I have no information on this. Who wants to caption it for me?

Mother of God

2011-08-07T13:22:00.004-05:00

Mother of God
Russian icon from the early 1800's

Who say's you can't accessorize with a Savior?

Flight into Egypt

2011-08-04T11:45:00.004-05:00

Flight into Egypt
Detail of a Book of Hours illuminated manuscript in the library of the University of Texas, Austin, USA

Geez-o-feakin' Pete, that's a homely baby!

And Mary's halo--is it a tambourine?

Madonna and Child

2011-08-03T15:28:00.002-05:00

Madonna and Child
By Dosso Dossi
1425
Borghese Gallery, Rome

Electric haystack halos? Thumbs up!

St. Christopher

2011-07-31T12:45:00.004-05:00

St. Christopher
1485-1499
Detail of an illuminated Flemish Book of Hours
University of Texas at Austin, USA

OMG St. Christopher has a hipster beard and haircut! All he needs now is a flannel and an ironic t-shirt and he'll be taking Squishy to Pitchfork!

Galaktotrophousa

2011-07-27T13:50:00.002-05:00

Galaktotrophousa
By Master Ioanni
1778
Onassis Foundation

Er, is Mary nursing Squishy from her bicep??????

St. Christopher and the Infant Christ

2011-07-24T13:02:00.001-05:00

St. Christopher and the Infant Christ
By Domenico Ghirlandaio
1400's
Fresco, 112 x 59"
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

ST. CHRISTOPHER TO SQUISHY: As soon as I get you across this river what do you say we start a gay bowling league?

The Circumcision of Christ

2011-07-23T12:35:00.004-05:00

The Circumcision of Christ
Detail of an illumination from a French book of hours, 7 x 5 "

Confidential to the Rabbi, you're holding the knife backwards....

The Holy Family

2011-07-20T14:00:00.002-05:00

The Holy Family
12th Century
Detail of a fresco in the Église Saint Martin de Vic, France

Lookin' sharp with the Mother and Son matching blush and brows.

Birth of Christ

2011-07-17T11:16:00.005-05:00

Birth of Christ
1200's
Detail of a mosaic ceiling in the Baptistery of Florence, Italy

MARY: I gave birth to the son of God so now I get to go on a magic carpet ride. Wheeee!!!!!

GOD: (Writing in his holy note pad) This is supposed to be my son? Excuse me people but the son of God is not a balding larvae!

The Presentation in the Temple

2011-07-14T12:55:00.002-05:00

Presentation in the Temple
By Taddeo Gaddi
Painting on panel
Accadamia Gallery, Florence

MARY TO RABBI: Damn, give him back already! I just wanted to present Squishy, not get him lost in your beard!

Madonna and Child

2011-07-13T13:05:00.002-05:00

Madonna and Child
Artist unknown
Tempera on wood panel

Mary: your knees are totes amazeballs!

Squishy: better do something about your neck goiter.

Virgin and Child Enthroned with Scenes from the Life of the Virgin

2011-07-10T13:54:00.002-05:00

Virgin and Child Enthroned with Scenes from the Life of the Virgin

By an unknown Spanish artist

1400-1500

Detail of a panel

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

I don't get it: why does one king get the fancy ass star halo and the other kings get nothing?

The Holy Family

2011-07-08T12:51:00.003-05:00

The Holy Family
1440
Detail of an illumination from the Hours of Catherine of Cleves

HOLY SHIZNIT! Squishy's got a baby walker!!!!!!!!

Lactation of Saint Pedro Nolasco

2011-07-07T12:12:00.005-05:00

Lactation of Saint Pedro Nolasco (detail)
By Ignacio Chacón
1663
Oil on canvas
Monastry La Merced in Cuzco, Peru

Remember everyone: sharing is caring!

Madonna and Child Nursing

2011-07-02T10:38:00.005-05:00

Madonna and Child Nursing
By an unknown Flemish Artist
Early 1500's
Oil on wood
Honolulu Acadamy of Arts, USA

Neck-boob slash goiter. Wha???????

Madonna and Child

2011-06-30T13:22:00.005-05:00

Madonna and Child
By Tintoretto
1570 - 72
Oil on canvas, 39 1/8 x 51

We started out with shots, then I bought everyone a round......after that it's all fuzzy. Hey, Ma, do we have any asprin?

Holy Infants

2011-06-25T10:40:00.002-05:00

Holy Infants
By Marco d'Oggiono

Did you hear? The New York Senate just legalized gay marriage in NY. Win! Win! Win!

Madonna and Child

2011-06-23T16:12:00.005-05:00

Madonna and Child
Mid 1300's
Detail of a stained glass window in St. John the Baptist church, Fladbury, UK

MARY: Hungry? Here is my breast!

SQUISHY: No, I can't do it! I'm too freaked out that you have no neck. I will eat this orange instead.

The Circumcision of Christ

2011-06-22T12:55:00.003-05:00

The Circumcision of Christ
Detail of an illuminated manuscript

Attention Rabbi Blue Hat: you are doing something kinda serious with that knife. Don't you want to be looking at Squishy's foreskin, not his face?

Madonna with Child

2011-06-19T10:25:00.000-05:00

Madonna with Child
By Correggio
1512-14
Oil on linden wood, 66 x 55 cm
Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna

Mommy, can you please explain one more time who I make the Father's Day card out to?

Nativity

2011-06-18T10:59:00.003-05:00

Nativity
By Giacomo de Buschis
1470
Fresco in the Oratory of the Disciples, Clusone, Italy

What do you think: are the ox and ass inflatable? Or stuffed?

St. Anne Holding the Virgin and Child

2011-06-15T14:34:00.005-05:00

St. Anne Holding the Virgin and Child
1540
Stained glass from All Saints Church, Earsham, UK

Okay, so am I going to have to start a new category for Awkward Families? Because when granny Annie holds little gold haired Mary and Squishy that is one awkward composition......

The Holy Kinship

2011-06-12T13:48:00.007-05:00

The Holy Kinship
By Master of the Ortenberg Altar
Hessian National Museum, Darmstadt

Isn't this straight out of Awkward Family Photos? Let's all wear taupe and bring the babies to the portrait studio---yay!

Nativity with Three Kings

2011-06-11T15:02:00.004-05:00

Nativity with Three Kings
By Ludolf of Saxony
Illumination

Could it be? Yes, it's true! The king in blue really is wearing a fanny pack!!!!! And the king in green is either has no arms or is wearing a lampshade......dig his boots, though.

Madonna and Child with Angels and Saints

2011-06-08T14:02:00.003-05:00

Madonna and Child with Angels and Saints
By Bernardino Fungai
Kress Collection, New York

WTF? A free St Christopher pennant to anyone who can tell me why Squishy is taking backwards ride on an angels head....

Nativity

2011-06-04T11:10:00.002-05:00

Nativity
1330-35
Detail of an illuminated manuscript
Graduale oesa, Aagauer Kantonsbibliothek, Koln, Germany

Look out Squishy: the ox and ass are eating your blanket!

Madonna and Child

2011-06-02T16:37:00.003-05:00

Madonna and Child
By Pieter Coeke van Aalst
Curtus Museum, Liege, Belgium

MARY! Put down your grocery list for a second and take a look at your freaky-ass son! Dude looks like Alexander Schwarzenegger. And seriously what's up with his gigantic left leg?

Virgin and Child with the Infant Baptist

2011-05-31T09:03:00.005-05:00

Virgin and Child with the Infant Baptist
By Johann Konig
1610-30
Oil on metal, 28.2 x 22 cm
Grosvenor Museum, Chester, UK

Some guys wear a beard, you know, on their face. St. John wears a beard as an outfit!

Tree of Jesse

2011-05-28T16:32:00.002-05:00

Tree of Jesse
By Tobias Stimmer
1583
Braunschweig Herzog Anton Ulrich Museum, Germany

Now this is why The Squishy Jesus Taxonomy is the blog of choice for baby Jesus-ophiles everywhere: where else are you gonna see a Madonna and Child growing out of some guys guts??????

The Virgin and Child between Saint Helena and Saint Francis

2011-05-27T17:07:00.009-05:00

Virgin and Child between Saint Helena and Saint Francis
By Amicio Aspertini
1520
Oil on panel, 85.5 x 75.1
National Museum of Wales, Cardiff

No way--are those 2000 year old Hummel figurines?